Prodigal Son
by Mnemosyne's Elegy
Summary: An encounter with Nora leaves Yukine shaken and unsure of where exactly he stands with Yato. His doubts only push the god farther away, until they culminate in a mistake that could ruin everything and make him lose Yato altogether. But if he realizes the damage he's been doing and fixes things in time, he might learn the meaning of family and forgiveness.
1. Chapter 1

**Note: This was originally three parts, but I split it into like six plus an epilogue when I went back to start editing. Maybe the shorter chapters will be more manageable XD There were too many line breaks before, anyway lol**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

* * *

Yukine rested his arms on the railing and leaned against it, watching as laughing shinki wandered about the lawn below. It was cold and blustery down in the outside world, but seasons didn't mean much in Takamagahara. It was as pleasantly warm as always, with a cool breeze dancing about gaily. He basked in the nice weather and was determined to enjoy it to the fullest before having to return to winter. It was a cruel trick of fate that he was named after snow when he couldn't stand the cold. He could thank Yato for that one.

Yato, who was the reason Yukine was stuck waiting around. The stupid god hadn't even explained _why_ he had wanted to talk to Bishamon, just said it was 'god stuff' and shooed Yukine off to amuse himself. To be fair, he would have assumed Yukine would take the time to catch up with Kazuma. Which was true, except that Kazuma had gotten called away to take care of something else and Yukine was left on his own again.

He had wandered around for a bit and then found a balcony jutting off one of the big second-floor rooms near the staircase. He'd been up here ever since, watching the shinki that meandered outside. They all looked happy as they chatted and laughed together. Yukine wondered what it would be like to be part of an entire family of shinki. It could be nice…although he also liked being Yato's only shinki and getting all the attention. Maybe that made him sound like a spoiled kid, but that was the way he liked it.

"Oh, Yukine," said a voice from behind him. "There you are. Yato's looking for you."

He turned and nodded to Bishamon. "Are you finished? I apologize for whatever my idiot master said."

Bishamon cracked a smile. "He's definitely a piece of work. He's wandering around looking for you."

"Alright, I'd better go." He paused as something struck him suddenly. "Oh, um…"

"Yes? What is it?"

Yukine turned away and frowned out at the happy family of shinki gathered on the lawn again as a flush crept up his neck and cheeks. "I just…wanted to apologize."

"It's alright, you don't need to apologize for Yato. His idiocy is all his own."

"No, I mean… I'm sorry that I said this place was hell," he mumbled. It had been a long time since then and a lot had changed, but it occurred to him that he had never actually apologized.

There was a long pause with only the indistinct but cheerful murmur of voices from below, but then Bishamon sighed and walked over to lean on the railing beside him. He snuck a glance at her, but she was looking out at her shinki as well, her eyes distant.

"It did get pretty bad," she said. "Maybe I needed a wakeup call. But Kazuma is helping me do things right this time so none of that happens again. I just…wish Suzuha was still here to see it."

Yukine's heart twisted at the reminder of his old friend. "Everyone seems happy," he said, clearing his throat. "Genuinely happy, this time. I think that would make him happy too."

"I hope so." Bishamon's smile was just a quick, melancholy twist of the lips. "It's not a family in name only anymore."

"Do you really see them like that?" Yukine asked curiously. "Family?"

Bishamon frowned and a little crease appeared between her brows. "It's…complicated. When we give our shinki a name, we use our own lives to do it. In that way, we give you your second chance at life after death. Some gods see shinki just as tools or protectors or companions, but many of us see them as something like our children because of that. We give you your second life and raise you when you're reborn without any memories and take care of you and protect you the best we can. It's always going to be a little more complicated than that, of course. You protect and guide us too, and the bond between god and shinki is often very fluid.

"And… To be honest, I'm not sure how well we gods really understand family in the traditional sense. We pick up the idea from the humans we see and the shinki we name, in the same way that we learn right from wrong. And maybe in the same way, we're above it or it doesn't quite apply to us. Traditional family roles can be impossible to apply to gods and shinki sometimes and…sometimes I think that we gods are incapable of nurturing the way humans can.

"My shinki are like my children, sometimes I feel like their mother, but I can never be a true mother in the human sense. I'll always also be a master and god, protector and charge, leader and follower. It doesn't always come naturally, being a parent, and sometimes it feels more like we're just building a village with us as the leaders. I can't give them everything a human mother would, can't fill that hole.

"But still… We won't ever fit into traditional familial roles and maybe I don't understand exactly how to be the mother I want to be, but we _are_ family. A bit of an unconventional family, but a family nonetheless. I believe that."

Yukine blinked at her in surprise. He had been curious because he'd seen how different each god's relationships were with their shinki and had wondered how immortal beings so far above humans could really build such close relationships with them, and the answer seemed as complicated as the question.

It sounded like something Bishamon had really pondered and thought over before, something she had been searching for the answers to already. After what had happened with Kugaha and the massacres of her shinki clans, maybe that shouldn't be a surprise. She really had been working to figure out how to build a family the right way.

"That sounds nice," Yukine mused. "Even with everything. It really does seem like a family."

"Yukineee! Yukine, where are youuu?" Yato ambled into view down below, hands cupped around his mouth as he called for Yukine and searched the grounds. He sidled up behind Aiha. "Hey, have you seen my kid?"

Yukine sighed and shook his head. "I guess I'd better go before my idiot master gets into any more trouble."

"Please get him out of here," Bishamon said, rolling her eyes. She dropped her chin onto her folded hands, and her eyes softened as she watched Yato harassing her shinki. "He's a fool and it doesn't come naturally to him either, but he tries."

"Do you think so?" Yukine asked. He frowned down at Yato, who was waving his hands about in an exaggerated fashion and complaining loudly.

Yato was…different. Yukine wasn't always sure what to make of him when he seemed to slip between roles and personalities from one second to the next. Yukine didn't doubt he cared—they both cared very deeply despite their differences and had been through too much together not to—but sometimes he wondered.

When Yato called Yukine his kid, what did he really mean by that? Their relationship was complicated, and Bishamon's musings had raised some questions too. If she had such a complicated view of her shinki—she, one of the gods with the strongest and most obvious familial tendencies—then was Yato's view just as complex? What _did_ he think about Yukine?

Bishamon turned her head and raised her eyebrows at Yukine. "Do _you_?"

* * *

Yukine was irritated. It was Yato's fault, of course. Yato had perfected the art of being a nuisance over the centuries. He had been making stupid comments and lazing around instead of helping out Daikoku and had bought more useless charms with their money. Like usual. And like usual, Yukine needed a break.

He had been pacing the streets, working through the worst of his frustrated energy so that he didn't strangle his idiot god, and was just calming down to the point of readying himself to go back when a voice piped up behind him.

"Poor Yukine. Yato can be a bit of a handful. Is he giving you problems too?"

Yukine stiffened and spun around. Nora was crouched on the railing of the bridge, her balance rock solid on the thin strip of wood, with her elbows propped on her knees and her chin resting on her hand in the position she seemed to favor so much. That small, unnerving smile pulled at the corners of her lips, and her dark eyes sparkled with something like amusement.

"No," Yukine snapped. He had the feeling that she meant something entirely different, that the problems she had with Yato were not nearly the same, and she wasn't someone he wanted to commiserate with. "Yato is fine. Go away."

Nora laughed. " _You_ came to _my_ bridge."

Yukine looked around and realized that he _had_ , in fact, wandered across the bridge Nora often frequented. Why she had picked a favorite bridge to hang out at was beyond him, but it seemed like a place best avoided. If he'd been paying more attention to where he was going, he wouldn't have come.

"And now I'm leaving," he said flatly, turning to stalk away.

"If you're looking for a father in Yato, you'll be disappointed."

He whipped back around. " _What?_ Don't be ridiculous!"

His cheeks flushed. Where would she even get an idea like that?

Nora only stared back, her smile gone and her eyes glittering solemnly. "Yato doesn't understand family. The only experience he has is with Father. Father called him his child and made him a tool, and Yato calls you his 'kid' and sees you as a tool. It's what he knows. That's what family means to him."

"Th-that's not true!" Yukine spluttered. He might be confused about Yato's feelings sometimes, but he knew the god saw him as more than just a tool. "He doesn't–"

"Yato is very good at wearing masks, isn't he?" Nora remarked, drawing Yukine up short. An uneasy feeling curled in his stomach. That was true. Yato was disturbingly good at hiding his true feelings and putting up fronts and keeping secrets. "He shows you what you want to see so that you're easier to control. But to be fair, it's also your fault. You're always so mean to him, aren't you? You call him lazy when he works so hard, selfish when he does so much for you, worthless when he's only ever wanted to be needed. To be _wanted_. It's not very fair to expect him to be a father to you when you're such a disrespectful, cruel child."

Nora's eyes had narrowed ever so slightly, and something like resentment flickered in their depths. Like she resented him for his bad behavior.

Her accusation shook Yukine to the core. All this time he had been wondering about Yato's views and imperfections, and he hadn't thought to consider what role he and his own behavior might play. He… _did_ say mean things about Yato sometimes. But Yato never seemed bothered and surely had to know when Yukine didn't mean it. Still… Was Yukine doing damage with his words?

"It's not like that!" he protested. "He knows–"

"But it's probably a good thing. You wouldn't like it if Yato tried to be a father. The only example he has to follow is Father's."

Fury flashed through Yukine like lightning, burning away his unease and disorientation. He might have his doubts about some things, but he had absolutely no doubts about this.

"Yato would _never_ be like his father," he spat.

"Oh?" Nora's smile was back again and her eyes gleamed bright with amusement. "You have no idea. I've known him for centuries, and you've only known him for a few months. What do you know? Disobey him and see what happens."

"I disobey him all the time."

"Not your silly teenage complaints and obstinacy. You still obey him in the end, at least when it's important. You've never pushed him to the point where he'll snap. When he disobeys Father, he's punished. When he wants to leave, Father drags him back. If you disobey him, do you think he'll let you escape punishment? If you want to leave, do you think he'll let you go?"

"He would never…" Yukine said weakly. He knew Yato would never be as cruel as his father, but it was also true that Yukine wasn't sure what would happen if he truly crossed his god on something important.

Satisfaction glimmered in Nora's eyes. "Yato doesn't understand love. No one has ever loved him, no one but me. And he has never loved anyone. He can fake it when he needs to, but he doesn't know what love feels like and certainly doesn't love you."

"That's not…"

"Poor little boy," Nora said with her cruel smile and knife-sharp eyes. "You're dead. You don't need a family anymore."

She slid back over the railing and disappeared from view, although he didn't hear her hit the water. He stared at where she had been, but it seemed like she was well and truly gone.

Yukine was left in turmoil. He shouldn't listen to anything she said—he knew better. She liked to stir up trouble. But it was also true that she had been with Yato since the beginning and might know him better than anyone else.

But everything she had said was ridiculous. Yato didn't see him as just a tool or fake his affection, and would never ever be like his father no matter how much Yukine pushed him. And it was just unbearably cruel what she had said about love. Maybe Yato's father had never loved him—and that only made Yukine angry and sad because how could that _bastard_ call himself a father when he had only ever manipulated and abused Yato?—but other people had. And did. Hiyori did, at least, and lots of people cared about him. And Yukine was sure that Yato could love too. He was sure of it.

Still, he stared at the spot where Nora had been for a long time, his mind racing and his emotions raging wildly out of control as he tried to sort everything out.

"There you are!"

Yukine jumped a foot in the air and whirled around. The blood drained from his face as he found himself nose to nose with Yato, who had materialized behind him like magic and leaned down with a grin.

"Y-Yato!" Yukine squeaked.

Nora's words and Bishamon's musings bounced around inside his skull like alarm bells, and he realized quite suddenly that he was _not_ ready to see Yato. Not while his brain was still going haywire.

"I've been looking _all over_ for you!" Yato continued blithely, as if he didn't feel Yukine's unsettled emotions in his chest. "We have a job! Let me just get her again…"

Yukine opened his mouth, found no words, and closed it again. Yato still wore his trademark goofy grin as he pulled his phone out of his pocket to call back the client. The phone rang one, two, three times, and the corners of his mouth quirked downward. Yukine could practically hear him wondering if he had been forgotten already.

But then the call was accepted. Before Yato could even open his mouth, a panicked jumble of words poured through the line. Yukine couldn't make out what exactly was being said, but he could hear the muffled terror and Yato's brows drew together in a deeper frown.

"Let's go, Yukine," the god said. "Sounds like it's an emergency."

He grabbed Yukine's arm, and the world disappeared and swirled around them and rematerialized before the shinki could protest. The popped back into existence right in front of a frightened girl with messy black curls, terrified green eyes, and a phone still pressed to her ear. She was racing through the grassy field of the park a few blocks from Kofuku's shrine, but stumbled to a halt just before running smack into them.

"Hello!" Yato chirped brightly. "What seems to be the problem?"

"B-bakagami!" Yukine sputtered. "Maybe _those_."

Half a dozen ayakashi were scuttling after the girl, chittering with their relentless chorus of _"smells nice…"_ , and judging by the horrified look she threw back over her shoulder, she could see them. Yukine slashed his hand across his body, and a borderline cut off the phantoms' headlong chase.

"Well, _obviously_." Yato rolled his eyes. "But it's unusual for humans to see ayakashi, so there must be more to the story."

Yukine groaned. "Why would you want to get the story first instead of killing them?"

Yato waved a hand dismissively. "I knew you could throw up a borderline."

Yukine just sighed. He wasn't sure if he should be flattered that Yato had so much faith in him or exasperated by the god's unwavering stupidity.

The girl gaped, her gaze darting between them and the ayakashi clawing at the glowing barrier. "That's…"

"A borderline!" Yato said helpfully. "The phantoms can't get through it." He threw an arm around Yukine's shoulders and grinned. "My kid's pretty great, huh?"

A small shudder ran through Yukine's body, and his irritation melted back into something insecure and nervous and uncertain. What _did_ that mean? Bishamon thought Yato was actually trying to be family to Yukine, but even she had her concerns about gods making families. And Nora… Yukine didn't think that Yato saw him only as a tool, but he wasn't sure he saw him as family either.

So where _did_ that leave them? Master and servant? God and shinki? Friends? Family after all? All of the above? None of the above? Something else entirely?

Yato was so complicated and had so many masks that Yukine wasn't sure of much of anything.

"Huh?" Yato frowned down at Yukine. "You alright, Yukine?"

"Fine," Yukine mumbled, shrugging Yato's arm off. He shoved down his tumultuous storm of unsettled emotions, hoping to throw Yato off the scent. He should trust Yato and not worry about silly things, especially not silly things that _Nora_ , of all people, had said.

Yato opened his mouth, but the girl lurched forward then, scrabbling in her pocket until she found a five yen coin to shove at the god with shaking fingers.

"Here," she said breathlessly. "Please. These–these things, I can't…"

Gold danced in and out of Yato's fingers as he played with the coin absently. "We'll take care of your phantoms, no problem. But it's unusual for you to see them at all, and you have unnaturally strong ties to the Far Shore. We'll have to take care of that too, or the ayakashi will continue to be attracted to you. Do you have any idea what might have triggered it? A near-death experience or an encounter with someone a little _strange_ , perhaps?"

"A-a week ago." She flinched back and inched toward Yato and Yukine as a snake-like ayakashi slammed into the borderline. "I started seeing them a week ago after a diving accident. I hit the water wrong and passed out and almost drowned, but a friend pulled me out. When I woke up, I had started seeing these… _things_." Her lips trembled and she wrapped her arms around herself. "They're terrifying. I thought I was going crazy… I came out here because it seems like there are less of them in places where there are fewer people, but some showed up and started chasing me."

"I see." Yato nodded to himself, calm and unruffled. "You probably came close enough to crossing over that you picked up some ties to the Far Shore. The ayakashi that sense you can see them are going to be interested in you and cause problems."

"Like Hiyori?" Yukine asked with a frown.

"Sort of, except that Hiyori's condition is more severe. This seems like a more minor case, with no indication of her soul slipping out. But even paying attention to ayakashi will attract their interest. We'll have to cut her ties. They'll take too long to fade naturally if she keeps renewing them by interacting with ayakashi."

"Um…" The girl looked between them, wetting her lips nervously. "What–?"

"Don't worry about it." Yato flashed her a grin. "We'll take care of everything. Alright, Yukine. We'll kill the ayakashi first, so you can release your borderline."

"Okay."

"Come, Sekki."

The borderline shimmered out of existence as the familiar transformation took over Yukine's body. His doubts and worries evaporated into thin air as he focused on the fight. Yato led, as usual, centuries of swordplay guiding the blades in a deadly dance. In the beginning, Yukine had sat back and stayed sharp and that was about it. Yato was the master swordsman, and Yukine knew nothing of fighting.

But after months of working together, Yukine had learned how to join the dance. Yato fought with smooth, controlled, fluid movements, usually, but sometimes the rhythm was disrupted. When he was particularly infuriated, he became more vicious and wild. Sometimes it served him well, but sometimes it led him to make mistakes. When he was injured, he had to work around his wounds and adjust his style. When he was intently focused on the fight, sometimes he missed another phantom sneaking up behind him.

These were things Yukine could help with. He followed Yato's lead, but he now had enough confidence to hold back or throw everything he had at a foe, redirect his trajectory, act on the things he noticed that Yato missed. Sometimes the two talked back and forth to coordinate, sometimes they worked in smooth silence, but always—almost always—they worked as one united force.

Yukine enjoyed it. He liked protecting Yato, even if sometimes he had to knock some sense into the idiot god when he was trying to protect Yukine from something silly instead of using him. Yukine was a weapon and a protector, and he wanted to be used like it. He felt needed and useful, and this was something he shared with Yato and only Yato.

It was something intimate and personal, becoming two halves of one whole. He didn't like to think about Nora fighting with Yato like this. Or any other shinki, to be honest. Call him jealous, but he didn't want anyone else encroaching on this bond. He was Yato's and Yato was _his_ , and he didn't want to share.

It was a matter of trust, Yukine decided. He trusted Yato to take care of them and have the skill and spirit to win their battles, and Yato trusted him to stand by him no matter what and do what he thought was right and protect him. They trusted each other, and never was that more obvious than when they came together as extensions of each other in battle.

They slashed through the ayakashi effortlessly, Yato easily twisting out of the way of being blighted and Yukine dispatching the phantoms before they got too close to his god.

The girl was gaping at them in awe as the last of the ayakashi went down. "You… That's…"

"Pretty cool, huh?" Yato said cheerfully. "My kid's pretty awesome."

A small shiver of discomfort whispered through Yukine, but he was still too at peace to get too worked up.

He did wonder why Yato always seemed to give him the credit in their battles. Shinki were important, but Yato was the one who directed the fight and took the damage when something went wrong and used his skills to wield the blades. The praise always made Yukine feel proud of himself, but it wasn't like he did it all. They both needed each other.

"Thank you," the girl said. She looked torn between being impressed, grateful, and terrified out of her mind. "What are you…going to do?"

"Sever your ties to the Far Shore," Yato replied. "Don't worry, it won't hurt. You won't be able to see the ayakashi anymore, and they'll have no reason to take a special interest in you. Ready, Yukine?"

"I don't know…" Yukine mumbled, eyeing the girl uneasily. He didn't see bonds like Yato did, which made it hard to judge what he was doing. This was one particular task that he rarely felt comfortable with.

"Don't worry," said Yato. "Cutting ties is my specialty. I'll guide you. Just trust me."

The girl was starting to look more and more spooked, like she was considering running away from the crazy man with the swords, but Yukine's resolve hardened. He might have his doubts about some things, but in moments like these he would follow Yato to the ends of the earth.

"Okay," he said.

Yato wasted no time, and the girl flinched back as he swung the swords through the air around her body in sharp, precise arcs. Yukine saw nothing, but he thought he felt the slightest resistance and then a quiet breaking. Yato circled around behind the girl, lowering the blades as he watched her.

"What are you doing?" Yukine asked.

Yato didn't respond, and the girl's head swung back and forth. After a moment, she shook her head more sharply and turned to walk right past them, her eyes glazed with confusion.

"That's weird," she was muttering to herself as she walked away. "What am I even doing here?"

"Revert, Yukine," Yato said, and Yukine shifted back into his human form beside him. "Good job. We just cut her ties to the Far Shore, so there's no need to go strengthening them again. We were just talking to her, so she might have still seen us if we stayed there. She seems pretty susceptible to connecting with the Far Shore. Since there was no one there, she assumed no one had been there at all and forgot all about us. Hopefully she'll stay out of trouble."

"Huh." Yukine watched the girl hurry away across the grass. "Does that happen a lot? Making ties like that?"

"Not really. Most people have a hard time making a connection with the Far Shore that lasts for more than a few seconds or minutes, but some people are more susceptible to making those ties than others." Yato grinned widely and shifted gears fast enough to give Yukine whiplash. "Heeey, let's go get some food!"

"…You just ate a couple hours ago."

"So? You can never have too much food! Mm, I wonder if Daikoku will make us something…"

Yukine shook his head. He knew it was no use to fight Yato on something like this or lecture him on his freeloading tendencies, so he just fell into step beside the god as he headed for Kofuku's shrine. They had walked for a couple minutes before Yato cleared his throat.

"So… Did something happen earlier?"

"What?" Yukine started, his heart doing a funny flip-flop in his chest. "No, not really."

"Really?" Yato's gaze slid sideways, skepticism shining bright in his eyes. "My chest has been aching, and your emotions are all over the place."

"Nothing happened," Yukine said firmly. No way was he going to tell Yato about everything Nora had said.

Yato winced, and Yukine realized too late that the god was going to know if he was lying.

"Look," Yato said carefully, "it's better if you just tell me. You can tell me anything, you know."

"There's nothing to tell," Yukine said. It was a half-truth at best, because there was plenty to tell even if he had no intention of telling it, but either it didn't register as a lie or Yato concealed his reaction to the sting.

"Yukine…"

"I'm fine," he snapped, and Yato's eye twitched briefly. "Everything is fine."

He quickened his pace, and Yato clamped his mouth shut despite his obvious skepticism.

That should have been the end of that, except it _wasn't_. Yato was the most annoyingly tenacious and stubbornly determined person on the planet when he decided to set his sights on something, and apparently he had set his sights on figuring out what was bothering Yukine. Maybe it was because Yukine's excuses had been so unconvincing that they necessitated further prodding, maybe it was because his emotions were still so unsettled that it had turned into an ongoing problem that needed to be solved, maybe Yato was just stubbornly annoying.

Whatever the case, the god _would not drop it_. Every time Yukine thought Yato might finally be giving it up, he'd casually ask what had happened or what was wrong as if trying to catch the shinki off guard and startle him into answering. Yukine inevitably responded with his go-to answers of _nothing_ and _I'm fine_ and _stop pestering me already_. Occasionally he would catch Yato wincing, but usually the god seemed fine and these were just small lies. Yukine was holding out hope that the minor stings would encourage Yato to leave it alone already.

Yukine just wanted some time to himself to think everything through and sort things out, and Yato's pestering wasn't helping. Yato asked after lunch, before dinner, before they went to bed, the next morning, after a tutoring session, on a job. Yukine shut him down each time. Yato was good at dropping subtle hints or questions into casual conversation, but Yukine wasn't fooled.

A couple nights later, Yukine was already tucked into bed reading by the light of the lamp when Yato drew in a breath.

"So, Yukine–"

"Just drop it," Yukine groaned. "It has nothing to do with you."

He flipped over and pulled the covers over his head, just missing the way Yato winced and frowned at his back.

* * *

 **Note: The more prescient of you might have some idea of where I'm going with this lol But it was fun anyway :3**

 **Poor Yukine, being all insecure lol Just trust Yato, baby ;_;  
Don't worry, they will both suffer by the end XD**


	2. Chapter 2

**Snow and Aofery: Thanks for reading and reviewing :) It's okay, we'll work it out eventually XD**

 **This is where some communication would come in real handy, but sadly Yato spent centuries with little meaningful social contact and has crappy communication skills and Yukine is a teenage boy. So... They try, you know? XD**

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

* * *

"It's cold," Yukine complained, huddling deeper into his sweater as he trailed behind Yato and Hiyori down the street.

"It's winter," Yato said. "Of course it's cold."

" _I'm_ cold."

"Why didn't you bring your coat?"

"I thought this was going to be _inside_."

"Why would you think that?"

"Because you _said_ it was."

"I thought so too, actually," Hiyori said. She cast an almost apologetic look at Yato and rubbed her hands together before blowing on them.

At least she had her coat and scarf. Yukine hadn't bothered with anything more than a sweater since he'd anticipated being inside, and this was clearly a mistake. He made a mental note to take a jacket with him wherever he went in the winter. He couldn't stand the cold, and he should know better than to trust Yato to be responsible about even such simple things. It would be nice if the god could at least _care_. He was pretty sure family was supposed to care.

"Okay, fine," Yato said with a dramatic sigh as he turned the corner. "It was supposed to be inside. But then I heard about this great festival over on the other side of town and–"

" _No_ ," Yukine said firmly. "If you think you're going to waste all our money on those stupid good luck charms, think again."

Yato turned around and began walking backwards so that he could pout at Yukine. Hiyori squeaked and grabbed his arm to pull him out of the way of walking straight into a streetlight, but he didn't even glance back.

"I don't _always_ buy charms," he huffed. "And they aren't stupid. Maybe if I find some good ones–"

" _No_ ," Yukine said again. "Grow up. Seriously, you're so stupidly gullible about these things. And we don't even have money for dumb stuff like that! Maybe if you weren't such a lazy, good-for-nothing–"

He broke off, the words sticking in his throat like broken glass.

 _"You're always so mean to him, aren't you? You call him lazy when he works so hard, selfish when he does so much for you, worthless when he's only ever wanted to be needed. To be wanted."_

Yato _could_ be a bit lazy and obnoxious and self-absorbed, but he could also be really hardworking and kind in his own ways and was always looking out for Yukine and Hiyori. Constantly putting him down for his faults instead of appreciating him for all his good qualities was hurtful and unfair, especially since Yukine had been obsessively comparing everything Yato did over the past few days to his image of the perfect family and coming up woefully short. He was so busy judging Yato on everything that he was missing all the good parts.

Suddenly, Yukine felt bad about all the insults that usually popped out of his mouth without a second thought.

Yato stiffened with a jolt, and a wide-eyed look of confusion replaced his silly pout. Yukine didn't know what was up with him.

"Yukine?" Yato asked. "What–?"

"Just don't buy any useless junk," Yukine finished lamely, dropping his gaze to the sidewalk.

"You–"

"Yato, look where you're going!" Hiyori wailed as she tugged the god's arm to maneuver him out of the way of a chunk of missing sidewalk under construction.

"Turn around, idio–Yato," Yukine muttered. "You're about to walk into the street."

After a moment of hesitation, Yato turned back around just in time to turn the corner instead of wandering out into traffic, much to Hiyori's relief.

"It's not like it would kill me," the god said dismissively, although he sounded distracted.

"But it would hurt," Hiyori said sternly. "And I'm not saving you from any more buses, so you're on your own if you want to play chicken with traffic."

They went back to bickering good-naturedly, and Yukine lurked a couple steps behind and shivered as another gust of wind swept past. It cut through his sweater like butter and raked icy fingers along his skin as he gritted his chattering teeth and hunched his shoulders.

He eyed Yato's back. This was the god's fault, and Yukine was not opposed to the idea of revenge.

He lasted a couple more minutes before reaching out and slipping his hands underneath Yato's jersey and shirt to press his palms flat against the god's back. For about half a second, blessed warmth seeped into his skin.

Yato screeched in a most satisfying way as he leaped away and whipped around to stare at Yukine in horror. "Your hands are _freezing_!"

Yukine crossed his arms over his chest and scowled. "That's what I've been telling you. I'm freezing."

"Poor Yukine." Hiyori paused and turned back, her eyes shining with worry. "Are you alright?"

"I'm _cold_."

"Why didn't you bring a jacket?" Yato asked.

"I already told you–"

" _Hiyori_ brought a jacket."

"Well, I didn't. So I guess I'm just going to have to use you to warm up." Yukine held his hands out towards Yato threateningly, and the god flinched back.

"No way." Yato stepped away and glanced around at the rows of shops and the river of passersby flowing steadily along the sidewalk. "Look, I'll be right back. Just…get some ice cream or something."

He gestured vaguely towards an ice cream parlor across the street and vanished into thin air. Yukine and Hiyori stared after him.

"…Ice cream?" Yukine asked in disbelief. "Is he insane?"

Hiyori shivered lightly. "I think I'll pass. What's he doing?"

"Probably trying to escape so that I can't warm my hands up on him," Yukine said sourly. He was not impressed by Yato's antics, and for a moment wished he had a more _responsible_ guardian. "Or running ahead to buy all those dumb charms before I can stop him. We're not going to have any money left."

"Oh, I hope not. I wonder if he'll be long."

"With our luck, he'll get distracted halfway through and decide to take an hour to grab lunch or something."

"Oh no, do you really think so?"

Yukine shrugged. "He didn't eat half his breakfast, so it wouldn't surprise me."

"Well…" Hiyori frowned and looked around. "I don't want any ice cream, but do you want to go sit in the shop? Get you out of the cold, at least. You're shaking."

As much as the idea of being anywhere near ice cream made Yukine want to curl up in a ball and beg for mercy, he _did_ want to get out of the cold and Yato, for whatever reason, seemed to be expecting to find them in the ice cream parlor. They ran across the street, and Yukine breathed a sigh of relief as the warmer air engulfed him and the vicious wind disappeared. Hiyori had long since dropped her body and the parlor was mostly empty, so they were able to claim a little table by the window without attracting any attention.

"What's taking him so long?" Yukine grumbled. He searched the street for any sign of the missing god and tapped his fingers on the table impatiently.

"I'm supposed to meet my father later," Hiyori said with a sigh, checking her phone. "Yato had better hurry up."

Yukine forgot about watching the street and stared across the table at his friend instead. That was right… Hiyori was human and alive and still had a family. If anyone understood how it worked, she did.

"You…love your dad a lot, right?" Yukine asked.

Hiyori slipped her phone back into her pocket and blinked at him curiously. "Of course."

"How… How do you know that he loves you too?"

She frowned. "He loves me."

"I know, I know, but how do you… _know_ that?"

"He's my father," she said with a blank look. Seeing Yukine chewing on his bottom lip, her frown deepened and she seemed to consider the strange question more closely. "Well, he says so. Not as often as my mother, but he shows it in his own ways. He helps take care of me when I'm sick and takes the time to talk to me so that he can learn about my life and worries about me when he thinks something might be wrong. He listens to me and likes to spend time with me and tries to help me with my problems when he can." She smiled a little. "And his eyes light up when he sees me and he always tells me that he's proud of me. Why are you asking?"

Yukine frowned down at the table as he mulled that over. Yato did talk to him a lot and get ridiculously protective and bother him to talk about his problems. And he did brag about Yukine an awful lot…and his eyes lit up when he said he was proud.

But what did that really mean? Couldn't you still do those things for someone who wasn't family? How was Yukine supposed to tell?

Anyway, Yato was also childish and self-absorbed and a pain in the neck half the time, which were not exactly fatherly qualities even if Yukine was looking for a dad. Which he _wasn't_. And if he was, Yato wouldn't be the obvious choice.

"Oh, nothing," he mumbled. He glanced out the window just in time to spot Yato spinning in a circle in the middle of the street as he searched for them. Seizing upon the interruption gratefully, Yukine stood up. "Looks like he's back."

Yato spotted them the second they stepped out of the shop and walked to meet them with quick, clipped strides. Yukine's green coat was draped over his arm.

"Here." Yato slipped Yukine's arm into the sleeve, wrapped the coat around him, and shoved his other arm into the other sleeve.

"I'm not a kid," Yukine complained as Yato stuffed him into his coat and zipped it up all the way to his chin. Yato ignored him and whipped out his favorite winter hat with the pompom on top. He tugged it over Yukine's hair and down over his ears, and then wrapped a thick blue scarf around his neck as the shinki flushed and spluttered uselessly. "H-hey! I can put on my own stuff! Where did you even get that scarf? I don't recognize it. You didn't steal it, did you?"

"Of course not!" Yato said indignantly. "I couldn't find one at Kofuku's place, so I bought one. I got you gloves too! So no more touching me with your freezing hands."

He grinned and handed Yukine a pair of gloves. Yukine stared down at them in dismay. Big capyper faces stared back up at him.

"No way! These have capypers on them! I'm not going to wear them."

Yato pouted. "I bought them for you. Wear them."

Yukine debated this pressing problem for a few seconds before working his stiff fingers into the gloves. "Only because I'm freezing."

Yato's grin returned. "Oh, Hiyoriii! I got some for you too since you didn't bring any gloves! So you'd better not stick your cold hands on me either. Now you and Yukine can match! Awww, how cute!"

Hiyori's mouth worked uselessly, but she pulled the gloves on. "I'm with Yukine on this one," she muttered. "Only because it's cold. How are _you_ not freezing?"

Yato seemed largely unaffected by the cold winter air and biting wind despite wearing only his normal stupid tracksuit, which Yukine thought was disgustingly unfair.

The god shrugged it off. "I've spent centuries living out in the cold. You get used to it eventually." Yukine tried to imagine being homeless in the heat and cold and harsh elements for centuries and shuddered. Yato patted him on the head gaily, the pompom squishing under his hand. "No more shivering! Now you can be nice and warm and quit complaining!"

Yukine grumbled under his breath and went back to tailing Yato and Hiyori as they started down the sidewalk again. Snuggling into his coat, he hid his smile beneath the scarf. He rubbed his hands together and watched the stupid capypers peering out from the backs of his gloves. There went the money Yato would have wasted on useless good luck charms.

The wind danced past, but Yukine was warm in his cocoon. There was something a little heartwarming about being bundled up like a child, even if he was most emphatically not one.

His eye caught on a little girl bouncing between her mother and father across the street, both hands held firmly by her parents. She was all bundled up in a puffy pink jacket with a scarf and mittens, and her face was lit up like the sun as she laughed and chattered cheerfully. Her mother laughed at something she said, and her father smiled a little and said something back. Their joined hands swung back and forth wildly as the girl skipped along. Her parents looked down at her with soft eyes and loving smiles.

Yukine's feet slowed to a stop as he turned to watch them walk away. They were so happy, the perfect little family all wrapped up in each other. He wondered what it felt like to have a mother and father who loved you and looked at you like you were their world. He wondered if he'd had that once. He didn't usually dwell on the life he had lost and couldn't remember, but sometimes he wondered.

 _"Poor little boy. You're dead. You don't need a family anymore."_

A hand settled on his shoulder, and he jumped in surprise and looked up. Yato was staring across the street at the happy little family too, his normally bright eyes clouded over, and for a moment he just stood there against Yukine with his arm draped along the shinki's back. Then his gaze slid down to meet Yukine's and he gently steered him away, back towards where Hiyori had stopped to wait and cast puzzled glances back at them.

"C'mon, kiddo," Yato said. "What are you doing lurking back here, anyway? Come hang out with me and Hiyori."

He didn't say anything about families or loss, but Yukine thought that maybe he knew anyway.

* * *

Yukine was helping Daikoku wash dishes when Yato finally trudged downstairs and into the kitchen.

"Oh, look who finally decided to get up," Daikoku said dryly. "I was starting to think you'd sleep the afternoon away. Your breakfast is in the fridge, although it might as well be lunch by now."

Yato sighed out something unintelligible past a yawn and meandered over to poke through the fridge unenthusiastically. There were dark smudges beneath his eyes, which were still cloudy with sleep.

Yukine watched the god out of the corner of his eye and chewed on his lip while he dried the plates. It seemed like Yato hadn't been sleeping very well for the past few days, and Yukine had the sinking feeling that it was probably his fault. Yato still asked about what had happened occasionally, but he'd been getting quieter and quieter on the subject and in general.

But Yukine's emotions were still unsettled either way, no matter how he tried to lay his doubts to rest, and they had to be affecting Yato. Knowing that only made Yukine feel worse, but the alternative was to talk to Yato about it and there was no way he wanted to do _that_.

Yato pushed his food around the plate and made it through about half of it before shoving it back in the fridge without comment.

"By the way, Yukine," he said, "we have a job."

"What?" Yukine wiped up the counter and turned to Yato. "Since when?"

"Since she called…maybe forty minutes ago. Dunno. I was still mostly asleep, so I said we'd be over later."

Daikoku rolled his eyes. "You won't even get out of bed to do your jobs?"

"He can't help being lazy," Yukine said dryly, before remembering that he shouldn't be saying mean things. Yato grimaced, which only made Yukine feel worse and hasten to add, "But you don't seem like you slept well, so…"

"Grab your coat," said Yato. "We're going to walk over."

Yukine pulled on his coat and hat—but not those stupid gloves—and followed Yato out into the cold. Yato seemed to know where they were going, and Yukine was content to walk beside him in silence and sneak sidelong glances as he tried and failed to decipher his enigmatic god's thoughts. Yato's hands were stuffed into his pockets, and he stayed quiet and frowned at the ground. Either he was just tired or he was in a weird mood.

"So, I know something's been bothering you," Yato said finally. He narrowed his eyes at the ground. "And you know that I know."

"It's not a big deal," Yukine mumbled, suddenly finding his shoes very fascinating.

"If it wasn't a big deal, it wouldn't have been bothering you for over a week now."

"I'm just working some stuff out, that's all. It's nothing important."

Yato sighed. "You're a mess, and it's affecting me too. It'll make it easier on both of us if you just–"

"No thanks. It's fine."

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's wrong," Yato said, and he sounded unbearably tired.

The only way Yato might be able to help was if Yukine told him everything, which was not going to happen. It was all over something stupid anyway, and Yukine didn't want to humiliate himself by spilling it all out and possibly upset Yato with all his doubts. No, it was better that he didn't tell Yato. And even if he did…

 _"Yato is very good at wearing masks, isn't he? He shows you what you want to see so that you're easier to control."_

Yato was hard to read, and could hide his own feelings and twist the truth around to keep his secrets. How could Yukine even be sure that he'd be getting the whole truth?

"I don't need your help," Yukine muttered, scuffing his shoe along the sidewalk. "I'm fine."

Yato said nothing, and Yukine snuck a glance at him. The god's eyes were dull and unfocused and stayed fixed on the sidewalk. Yukine braced himself for the inevitable pestering, but Yato kept his mouth shut and led him the rest of the way in silence.

The job seemed routine enough, and they quickly found the ayakashi responsible for all the trouble lurking outside. Yato pulled a face as its long, spindly arachnid legs poked at the humans bustling in and out of their houses and down the street.

"I never did like spiders," he muttered. "Too many legs. Come, Sekki."

The familiar magic tugged at Yukine's body and he made to surrender to it like usual, but something stopped him short. The magic tugged insistently for a few more seconds and then evaporated. He had refused to heed a summons once before, just after Ebisu had offered to buy him when he'd become a hafuri, but he had never tried it again until now. Even then, he had obeyed without question the second time, and it had never been spoken of again.

Yato stared at him, his face a mask of confusion. "Sekki."

Yukine stared back and gritted his teeth against the call. Every fiber of his body begged him to give in to the summons and it felt so incredibly _wrong_ to turn his back on his god, but he squished down his discomfort. It was only for a minute, he reasoned, and then everything would be okay. He would prove his point to himself and then all would be right with the world again.

 _"Disobey him and see what happens."_

"Yukine?" Yato asked uncertainly. "What's wrong?" He glanced back at the phantom, and this time his summons sounded more like a question than a command. "Sekki?"

Yukine shivered in his coat as a bird chirped high above. He and Yato were only maybe ten feet apart, but suddenly the space between them yawned wider than ever, leaving them worlds apart.

Yato opened his mouth, closed it again. A mess of conflicting emotions raged behind his eyes, something like confusion and hurt and worry and…betrayal, maybe. He could repeat the summons again, this time exert his control as a god and force Yukine to obey like he never did but always could, but he only stood there and stared.

And then the ayakashi finally took an interest and left the hapless humans behind to lunge at the god. Yato bit out a curse and leaped away, but his distraction took a toll and the sharp tip of a leg sliced across his cheek and left wicked streaks of purple threading through his pale skin.

That snapped Yukine out of his paralyzed indecision, because suddenly this was going too far. If it hadn't already.

"Yato!" he called, finally finding his voice. "Call me!"

Yato didn't even look over. He jumped high in the air, twisting out of the way of the thrashing limbs, and slammed into the ayakashi boots first. The phantom screeched and grabbed for Yato as he threw himself out of the way. He danced around the stabbing legs and delivered a kick that sent one cracking at the joint and flying off. His eyes glowed hard and cold as ice and his lips were pressed in a tight line as he waged war on the beast.

By himself.

"Yato!" Yukine lunged forward, running for the tangle of flailing limbs and his god trapped somewhere in the mess.

Yato was a warrior and had, if Kazuma was to be believed, survived for long stretches of time without a shinki to protect him, but he couldn't kill the ayakashi by himself any more than Yukine could. And he was still weighed down by Yukine's messy emotions and a lack of sleep. Yukine could tell, because Yato's normally graceful and controlled movements were more sluggish and clumsy than usual. The god was still fearsome and dangerous in his own right, but the ayakashi managed to catch him across the chest. To his credit, Yato paid no heed to the wound or blight that must be burning there, but he couldn't expect to win with such a brutal handicap as not having a shinki to be his weapon.

Yukine had left his god defenseless, and for what? Some stupid experiment to tell him what he already knew? The guilt burned hot in his chest.

Coming to his senses abruptly, he slashed his hand through the air. "Borderline!"

The ayakashi slammed into the wall of white light that cut through the space between it and the god, and it chittered in fury as it scrabbled at the barrier. Yato rocked back a step to catch his breath, and Yukine rushed over.

"Call me," Yukine said urgently. "You can't kill it by yourself." Yato turned his head and looked at the shinki with a completely blank expression, as if he'd never seen him before. Yukine winced, but pushed aside the mess he'd created for later inspection and held out his hand. "Call me."

Yato stared at him silently for several seconds more, and Yukine had the sinking feeling that he wasn't going to do it. But then Yato glanced back at the ayakashi battering the borderline and ran his gaze over Yukine one more time.

"Sekki," he said halfheartedly, as if half-expecting Yukine to ignore the summons yet again.

That should be expected after Yukine had already denied him three times in a row, but it hit the shinki like a punch in the gut. He realized suddenly that Yato had always spoken his name with trust and confidence before, believing wholeheartedly that Yukine would always stand by his side and fight with him, and now that was…gone. Yukine had broken that trust, left Yato without his partner, and suddenly it was like they were strangers again.

The familiar tingling, swooping sensation swept Yukine up as he transformed and fitted into Yato's hands. The borderline dissipated, and they charged forward to meet the ayakashi.

But something was wrong. They didn't fit together like two halves of a whole anymore. They had lost the rhythm of the dance and were discordantly out of sync in a way that they hadn't been since the very beginning, when they were still getting used to each other and Yukine had been a little brat hell-bent on stinging Yato to death.

They weren't communicating, and it seemed like Yato had shut down completely. He was holding Yukine too tight, limiting his room to maneuver and compensate for the god's missteps. And he was moving strangely, like he was favoring injuries and working around fatigue and pain, but Yukine couldn't tell what the problem was because it was more than just the minor hits he'd taken from the phantom. Usually Yukine knew every injury he failed to protect Yato from and kept them in mind so that he could work around them, but now he felt out of his depth, like he'd been left behind somewhere along the way and had missed something important. He couldn't work around what was ailing Yato if he didn't know what it was, and Yato certainly wasn't saying anything to clear it up.

The ayakashi slashed a barbed leg across Yato's arm, eliciting a soft hiss of pain from the god as he whipped around and hacked off the offending limb. It was a hit he would never have taken if he and Yukine were working on the same page, one that would have been easily blocked.

He lunged forward. Yukine spotted an opening and tried to twist to the side, but Yato held him tight and dragged the blade along the side of the ayakashi's body in a messy, jagged cut. It was much clumsier than their normal clean swordwork, but what it lacked in finesse, it made up for in brute force. The ayakashi exploded and vanished.

Yukine felt no elation or relief. That had been a truly abominable display and… And it was because the trust was gone. Yato had never felt farther away than he did now, and Yukine was the one who had pushed him there.

"Revert, Yukine."

Yukine rematerialized and shuffled his feet awkwardly. "We should go to a shrine," he mumbled. "Cleanse your blight."

Yato barked out a short, harsh laugh, darkly amused by some joke only he understood, and turned on Yukine with hard eyes. "What the hell was that?" he asked flatly.

He didn't look angry, exactly, but closed-off and wary and entirely unreadable. Yukine squirmed inside his coat and opened his mouth, not entirely sure what would come out.

"What would you say if I asked you to release me?"

"What?" Yato reeled back, surprise and hurt cracking apart his blank façade like Yukine had slapped him hard across the face. Something small and vulnerable and pained glimmered in his eyes as he searched the shinki's face. "You don't really…?" he asked in a small voice. When Yukine only hunched his shoulders and looked at the ground, Yato breathed out in a shuddering sigh. "This is what you've been worrying about? What's had you so unsettled?"

Yukine opened his mouth, but no words came out. It wasn't, and Yato would know the second he lied about it. He wasn't even sure why he had blurted that out, and now he didn't know how to dig himself out of the hole he had just plunged into. As if he hadn't already screwed up enough with refusing to come when Yato called.

 _"If you disobey him, do you think he'll let you escape punishment? If you want to leave, do you think he'll let you go?"_

He wasn't even sure anymore, whether he was trying to prove something to himself or just prove Nora wrong.

Yato closed his eyes. "You understand that it's a permanent decision? I can't name you again once I release you, so you can't change your mind later."

"I know," Yukine said quietly.

Yato was quiet for a moment. "Do you know what god you want to indenture to next? Have you lined something up already?"

"Huh?" Yukine frowned at him, puzzled. "No, not really."

"It's dangerous for a shinki to wander around without a god." Yato turned away and started walking back down the street. "If you make a deal with another god to name you after I let you go, I'll release you. You have until then to think things through and decide if this is what you really want."

Yukine blinked after him. "That's it? You're just going to let me go?"

On the one hand, Nora had been wrong—just like he'd known—and Yato would not only let him go but look out for his safety anyway. On the other…Yukine wanted Yato to fight for him. To not give up and let go so easily. But after everything Yukine had done in the past ten minutes, he couldn't exactly blame the god.

"Why wouldn't I?" Yato asked tiredly, not looking back. "All my shinki leave sooner or later. I had thought you might be different, but…that was my fault for assuming. And you've been a mess for a week and a half now. If this is what's been bothering you… If you're so miserable with me, it would be cruel of me not to let you go, don't you think?"

Guilt exploded in Yukine's chest, white-hot and searing. All he had done was hurt Yato and play with the god's insecurities and fears to make himself feel better about his own. And if he didn't fix it _now_ , Yato might actually release him.

"Yato!" Yukine cried. He ran after the retreating god. "Yato, wait!"

But Yato disappeared, and Yukine's hand closed on thin air. He stared at the empty space where his god had been in horror. Yato could have teleported anywhere. If he didn't want to be found, there was no way Yukine would be able to track him down.

If Nora saw this, she would be laughing. She hadn't only managed to plant doubts in Yukine's mind, but prodded him into using them to hurt Yato and shove a wedge between them. Now Yato thought Yukine wanted to leave and was miserable with him, and nothing could be further from the truth.

But Nora had been right about one thing: Yukine truly was a cruel child. He had been so stupid to doubt Yato and push at him. Yato had only ever done his best, looking out for Yukine and trying to help him with his problems and make him happy. Yukine was the one who had ruined their relationship and left them distant.

His lips trembled, and the tears ran down his face hot and fast. He had been blind and cruel and selfish, and he might have just lost Yato for good.

* * *

 **Note: Oh, Yukine. Why are you such an overthinker sometimes? ;_; Yay for making big messes instead of just talking like normal people! :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Note: Sorry for the slow posting. I've just been down and blah again, which means I have zero energy and not a whole lot of motivation to bother with editing and posting. Hopefully I'll be back on my feet soon. Thanks for the reviews and support.**

 **(And lol Aofery. My apologies to your poor mother. Yeah, I actually like responding to reviews, but it can be a little harder to respond to guests since I don't know what they'll see. But you're right, half the problems in Noragami could be solved if the charries just communicated with each other lol)**

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

* * *

Yukine burst into the shop and looked around wildly. "Is Yato here?"

Kofuku and Daikoku were stocking shelves together—a somewhat unusual occurrence since Daikoku usually preferred that Kofuku keep her troublesome aura out of the shop—and smiling at something they'd said. Now they turned puzzled eyes on Yukine.

"Not unless he walked inside within the past five minutes," said Kofuku.

Daikoku's brows drew together. "Wasn't he supposed to be with you?"

"Are you alright, Yukki?" Kofuku put down a box and drifted towards Yukine. Concern clouded her eyes. "Your eyes are all red."

Yukine's lips trembled, and he could feel tears pricking at the very corners of his eyes again. "We…had a…fight. Sort of." He sniffed and dragged the back of his hand across his eyes. "I don't know where he went."

Daikoku's eyes hardened and he cracked his knuckles. "I'll beat some sense into him for you."

Yukine was already shaking his head. "It's not his fault," he whispered. "It's mine."

"What happened, Yukki?" Kofuku asked.

But Yukine clamped his mouth shut and refused to divulge any of the details. He was ashamed of what he had done. Anyway, it would feel wrong to spill the whole story to someone else when he had refused to tell Yato anything at all for nearly two weeks even though the god had asked many times.

Kofuku and Daikoku did their best to cheer him up and distract him, but Yukine's mind was a million miles away. He was always listening for the door, on edge in anticipation of Yato's return even though he was sure the god would stay away for a while yet, and didn't feel up to things like talking or eating lunch or doing math homework. He almost wished Hiyori was here to tell him what he should do, but she wouldn't be coming today because she was swamped with exams.

He was on his own, just him and his thoughts. And they weren't pretty thoughts. He had been so stupid to let his doubts push him into testing Yato so cruelly. Yato could be a bit confusing and hard to read sometimes, but he had clearly always cared and was usually pretty open with his affections. He was definitely more open about them than Yukine was. If anyone had a reason to question their place in the relationship, it was Yato. Yukine was the one who had a hard time openly admitting how much he cared and resorted to sarcasm and insults instead.

And he was the one who had just wrecked everything. He had been so busy questioning Yato that he hadn't realized _he_ was the one steadily driving a wedge between them.

He watched the sky steadily darkening outside the window, and the last dregs of his hope dwindled away with the light.

"He's not coming back, is he?" he asked in a small, wavering voice.

Kofuku and Daikoku exchanged a look.

"Maybe Yato-chan needs a little space for tonight," Kofuku said carefully.

"He'll be fine," Daikoku said gruffly, standing and turning away to check the timer on the oven. "He's lived out on his own for a long time. He can take care of himself for a night."

Kofuku smiled reassuringly, although it didn't quite reach its normal brightness. "I'm sure Yato-chan will be back bright and early! Don't worry, Yukki. Everything will be okay. You and Yato-chan get along so well—you'll work things out in no time!"

Yukine wished he could share their confidence. They were so concerned because they could see how upset he'd been all day, but they didn't understand the magnitude of what he had done.

He looked back out the window and shuddered at the thought of Yato trapped out in the suffocating darkness, alone and hurting. If Yukine had any idea of where he might be, he would run out and beg forgiveness and bring his god home with him.

He sat up straight with a jolt as a thought occurred to him. It was true that Yato could be anywhere. He'd need to cleanse his blight at a shrine and might want to spend the night at one to stay safe from the ayakashi that prowled the darkness, but there were tons of shrines sprinkled about and he would choose one Yukine didn't know if he was determined to stay hidden. If he didn't want to be found, there would be no way to find him.

But— _but!_ —if he wanted to be sure Yukine could find him if there was an emergency…if he was still willing to come when Yukine needed him… _If_ Yato was kind enough to keep a hand held out even after Yukine had rejected him, then he would pick a place Yukine knew and would think of.

"I have to go." Yukine jumped to his feet, fear and hope warring in his chest.

Daikoku stuck his head back out of the kitchen. "He could be anywhere, and he knows how to disappear. Just give him some time He'll come back when he's ready."

"I might know where he is."

"But it's dark!" Kofuku said, chewing on her lip and casting a glance out the window.

Yukine swallowed hard. "I know. But…I need to make this right."

"Wait." Daikoku rummaged through a drawer and then crossed the room to hand Yukine a flashlight. "Here. We can come with you and–"

"Thanks." Yukine grabbed the flashlight and dashed to the door, barely taking the time to slip into his shoes. "But I need to do this myself. I'll be back later."

He rushed out the door and flicked on the flashlight. The darkness pressed all around and his heart jumped into his throat, but streetlamps lined his path and the flashlight cast a small circle of warm light just ahead of him.

"Yukki!" Kofuku called after him. "Your coat!"

But Yukine was already running, his sneakers slapping against the pavement and echoing too loudly in the night, and he was afraid that if he stopped his headlong rush and went back, he'd lose his nerve and be unable to force himself to come back out. The cold air burned in his lungs and sank its teeth right through his sweater, but he barely cared about the cold when the dark was _right there_.

He could almost feel ayakashi watching him from the shadows, and it felt like the darkness itself was alive and closing in to trap him. He tried to close his eyes against the leering shadows, but his heart thundered from more than just exertion and fear gripped his chest. He clutched the flashlight like a lifeline until his fingers ached and narrowed his focus to the small circle of yellow light. He was safe as long as he had the light. He could do this.

He was panting and trembling by the time he reached Tenjin's shrine and raced up the steps. His heart sank so fast that the freefall made him nauseous. Yato was not stretched out across the table like in the old days.

The circle of light shivered as the flashlight shook in Yukine's hand. He had been wrong. He had pushed Yato much too far, and now the god was gone.

"No," he mumbled, his heart cracking.

What had he done?

"What are you doing?" rasped a voice from the recesses of the shrine. "It's dark."

Yukine started in surprise and scrambled around the stone table. A pair of bright blue eyes watched him from where the deepest shadows had gathered in the corner, glowing like stars in the night.

"Yato!" Yukine shone the flashlight at the corner, illuminating the god sitting scrunched up against the wall in a defeated position that made him look small and alone. Yato winced and squinted against the light, and Yukine quickly directed it at a point off to his right. "Sorry. I was looking for you."

"Why?" Yato's voice was somewhere between tired and painfully flat. His eyes shone cool and expressionless in the half-light. "Did you find a new god already? You work fast."

Yukine's relief at finding Yato here gave way to guilt and uncertainty and awkwardness. He had no idea how to handle this or what to say, and his shame made him want to curl up in a ball instead of facing the damage he had done.

"No," he said, his voice quivering. "No, I didn't mean it, Yato. I'm sorry. Please come back."

"You could have told me." Yato's blank expression didn't change. It seemed like his eyes somehow stared right through Yukine like he wasn't there at all and scoured deep down to his soul all at the same time. "I knew it was something I was doing. You stung me when you said it had nothing to do with me. But I can't fix what I'm doing wrong if you won't tell me what it is. If you had just told me, maybe we could have worked something out.

"I know I'm not the best master, that I drive you crazy sometimes and can't give you everything you need, but… I thought we were doing okay." The slightest hint of a waver touched his voice, and he hunched his shoulders even further and tightened his arms around his folded legs as his chin sank behind his knees. "You could at least tell me why."

Yukine was shaking his head, horrified, and his eyes clouded over with tears. Of course Yato thought it was something he had done, that he wasn't good enough. Looking back, that was _exactly_ what Yukine's behavior had been saying.

"It's not your fault," Yukine said thickly. "You didn't do anything wrong. I didn't mean it."

Yato's eyes stayed hollow, devoid of their usual expressiveness, and Yukine searched for a way to make his god believe him. Yato could tell when he was lying, couldn't he? He had gotten a minor prick when Yukine said it had nothing to do with him and drawn the wrong conclusions, after all.

"You know when I'm lying, right?" Yukine dropped to a crouch and held Yato's gaze with some difficulty. It was hard to meet his eyes, but this was important and he needed Yato to understand. "I don't want you to release me, and I never did. I'm happy with you and I don't want another master."

Yato stared back, eyes dull and unblinking. "Then why?"

Yukine opened his mouth, but no sound came out. What could he say? _'Oh, I was just letting Nora get in my head and convince me that maybe you don't really care about me, and I was testing you because apparently I don't trust you at all even after everything you've done for me. Don't take it personally.'_ The truth was just as ugly as the fiction. Yukine didn't have such a hard time telling Yato only because he was embarrassed—although he definitely _was_ and it would be an awkward conversation under even the best of circumstances, which these were most emphatically _not_ —but because he knew it would hurt the god too.

"I'm sorry!" he wailed. The flashlight fell from his hand and clattered to the ground, rolling in an arc and sending the circle of light spinning off where it was no longer useful. He lurched forward and threw his arms around Yato, even though he knew they weren't on the best terms right now and he wasn't much of a hugger to begin with. That had always been Yato's job, but right now he wasn't in any state to be performing it. "I'm really sorry! I was being really stupid, and I won't do it again. Please come back."

Yato stiffened, but eventually shifted his legs out of the way and tangled one hand loosely in the shinki's hair. He let Yukine sniffle into his chest in silence for several long minutes before sighing.

"This has gone too far," he said tiredly. "You're going to have to tell me what happened. It's already spiraling out of control."

Yukine knew that, he _did_ , but he had no idea how he could tell Yato without just making things worse.

"I–I–I can't…"

There was a long pause, and then another heavy sigh. "Tomorrow, then. But you have to."

Yukine mumbled something wordless and unintelligible that could be mistaken for agreement. Maybe he could come up with some likely excuses tonight.

Yato pushed him away gently. Unzipping his jacket, he draped it around Yukine's shoulders before unfolding his limbs and rising to his feet stiffly. Yukine realized suddenly that his teeth were chattering and slipped his shivering arms into the sleeves without complaint. He could make up some excuse about sweat and give it back since Yato's shirt, although long-sleeved, was much thinner than Yukine's sweater and the god still felt the cold even when he didn't complain about it, but he was freezing and found it hard to say anything at all to Yato when his throat was all closed up.

"We should get you home," Yato said.

He stretched his legs out without so much as a wince to give away cramping muscles and stooped to pick up the flashlight from the ground. The circle of light stayed steady and unwavering in his hand, and Yukine sidled over close to his side. Yato started down the stairs without even glancing over, but he readjusted the flashlight so that the light fell directly at Yukine's feet.

They walked back in smothering silence, with Yukine shivering in Yato's jacket and stealing glances at his quiet companion. Yato seemed to be staring at nothing, lost somewhere in his own mind, and Yukine couldn't work up the nerve to try talking to him again.

Yato was coming back and that was something, but Yukine understood that this wasn't over. He might still be in danger of losing his god. He had pushed too far, and now it seemed like Yato was slipping away. The distance yawned wide between them despite their close proximity, and the ground felt shaky beneath Yukine's feet.

"Yukki!" Kofuku cried when they made it back and closed the door behind him. "You found him! Are you alright, Yato-chan?"

"Fine," said Yato.

"You made it back just in time for dinner," Daikoku said, glancing uncertainly between the estranged god and shinki. "We were waiting for you."

"I'm not hungry." Yato handed Daikoku the flashlight and brushed past him to make for the stairs, head bowed and eyes hollow. "I'm going to bed."

Yukine took an aborted step after him, afraid to let him go but not knowing what to do. "I…"

"You should eat something," Yato said as he climbed the stairs. "Goodnight."

He disappeared from view, the door clicking shut behind him. Yukine shrank back into his borrowed jacket, feeling small and miserable, and Kofuku and Daikoku were shooting each other looks again as they guided him to the kitchen and dished out dinner.

"What happened?" Daikoku asked. "He seems…pretty out of it."

Yukine poked at his food halfheartedly and ate a few bites even though they tasted like cardboard. "I hurt him," he said finally. "I didn't mean to, but… I don't really know what to do."

"You…do realize that your emotions are affecting him?" Daikoku said, choosing his words with care. "You've seemed a little out of sorts lately, and now you feel bad about whatever happened today. Just…calm down a little. Getting worked up is only going to make it worse for both of you. Maybe you can just talk to him about whatever is going on and apologize for anything that happened. I'm sure he'll forgive you for anything you might have done."

"Of course he will!" Kofuku leaned across the table to pat Yukine on the head. "Yato-chan adores you! You make him happy, and he's always really proud of you! He brags about you all the time. He'd do anything for you, you know. I'm sure you can sort things out with him no problem!"

Yukine's stomach roiled and he pushed his plate away. The words were meant to be comforting, but they only made him feel a thousand times worse. It seemed like everyone else had zero doubts about how much Yato cared, so why had Yukine let Nora put them into his head?

"Actually, I'm going to bed too," he mumbled.

He left them whispering together in the kitchen and felt their gazes boring into his back until he escaped from view. He climbed the stairs slowly, nervous about what might happen when he reached the top.

The light was already off, but his lamp had been turned on to cast his futon in a circle of light. Yukine hovered in the doorway and eyed Yato uncertainly. The god was wrapped up in his blankets, lying on his side and facing away from the door.

"Yato?" Yukine whispered.

Yato didn't respond for a long moment, but then he rolled onto his back and let his head fall to the side to stare at Yukine with dull eyes. "What is it?"

Yukine swallowed hard and his hand tightened on the doorframe. "I'm really sorry," he whispered.

"…I know." The crescents of blue disappeared as Yato closed his eyes again. "Goodnight."

Yukine lingered in the doorway for a moment longer, but it was obvious that no further response was forthcoming. He closed the door and crept across the floor to curl up in his bed, too dejected to even bother with changing out of his clothes.

He pulled the covers up beneath his chin and stared out at the lamplight and darkness beyond for a long time as the thoughts raced through his mind. He didn't know how to fix this, and he was much too aware of Yato somewhere behind him a million miles away.

But apparently he did fall asleep eventually, because the next thing he knew, Yato and Nora were standing in front of him. Yato's expression was that same blank mask he had picked up so recently and was devastatingly at odds with his normal sunny nature, while Nora's was smug and triumphant.

"Don't," Yukine pleaded, because he _knew_ what was about to happen. "Please–"

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Yato asked flatly.

"N-no, I–!"

"That's what you get for being such a cruel child," Nora said. She smiled and pressed herself close to Yato's side, glancing up at the god with a slyly satisfied expression. "You don't need such a bad shinki, Yato. You have me. Me and Father. Let's go home, Yaboku."

Yato lifted his hand, and Yukine lunged forward, panic clawing at his chest.

"Sekki, I hereby release you of the name I've bestowed upon you."

Yato slashed his hand through the air in a quick, sharp motion, and the name binding Yukine's heart shattered into a million jagged pieces. Yukine cried out in pain, in _loss_ , and clutched uselessly at his chest. He caught one glimpse of Yato's bright blue eyes staring back at him, and then the god seemed to shatter like glass and vanish into the ether. Yato was gone, gone for good, and Yukine fell to his knees as sobs racked his body. What had he done?

"Poor little boy," Nora cooed with that amused smile. "You're dead. You don't need a family anymore."

"–kine. Yukine."

Yukine started with a gasp, his eyes flying open, and found himself staring at Yato. The god was crouched down on his haunches by his bedside, poking at the shinki.

"Y-Yato?" Yukine rasped, incomprehension thickening his voice. Wasn't Yato gone?

The god tilted his head as if searching Yukine's face. There was still a flat, distant sheen to his eyes, but he was _here_.

"You were having a nightmare, I think," he said.

He disappeared behind a filmy haze of tears that quickly spilled down Yukine's face. Yukine could still feel that aching sense of loss in his chest, like he had just lost half his heart…or was about to.

"I'm so sorry!" he wailed. "Please don't leave!"

He curled up into a ball and buried his face in his knees. It _hurt_ , everything _hurt_ , and he was getting lightheaded because he couldn't breathe past his crying.

The mattress shifted and something brushed against his leg. He raised his head and blinked back his tears to see Yato slithering underneath the covers. The god nudged Yukine with his foot until the shinki wriggled back a few inches to make more room.

"I'm here." Yato sighed and draped an arm over Yukine. "It's okay. Go back to sleep, Yukine."

Yukine choked back another sob and reached out. His hand closed around the fabric of Yato's shirt, and he held on tight. It was _real_. He crept forward and cried into Yato's chest until he finally fell asleep.

* * *

 **Note: To be honest, I'm a little more like Yukine in that I wouldn't want to talk about stuff like this with anyone either. I'd rather work it out by myself. But it definitely becomes a problem when it prods you into pushing at people and constantly questioning and testing them.**

 **Now, if only they'd just communicate properly...**

 **This is what happens when you take two super insecure people and start poking at all their doubts and insecurities X)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Note: Talk already. Why won't you taaaaaaalk? *facepalm***

 **Aofery: "Low self-esteem-war" XD Poor guys lol No problem, I always check reviews lol Thanks for R &Ring :)**

 **EndarkenedSanity: Ahhh, been a while. Nice to see you drop by again. You are a braver soul than I to venture into the depths of Noragami fanfiction without being familiar with canon lol It's a bit quirky and would confuse the hell out of me without inside knowledge XD If you ever have the time or inclination, it's a good read and...watch? They only animated two seasons, but it's still good lol**

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

* * *

When Yukine woke, he was still curled up against Yato. He inched away, face flaming at the childish display, and nibbled on his lip as he studied the god. Yato was still asleep, but his face was pinched strangely, as if he couldn't even find peace in his dreams.

The by-now-familiar guilt pinched Yukine's chest, and Yato's brows drew together over a faint grimace as if in response. Yukine took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He tamped down the worst of his guilt and fear and sadness into a tight little ball in some dark corner of his chest and focused on thinking peaceful thoughts. He had already hurt Yato enough and was very aware that they were still on shaky ground after yesterday, and the last thing he should be doing was continuing to bombard the god with his unsettled emotions.

He slid out of bed, careful not to disturb Yato, who looked like he could use a lot more sleep, and realized he was still wearing that ratty jersey. He wrapped it more tightly about himself for comfort, like an echo of an embrace he probably didn't deserve, but then slipped it off and draped it over Yato. He got ready quietly before heading downstairs. Kofuku and Daikoku were chatting in the kitchen over breakfast, and Daikoku gestured toward a plate of food for Yukine.

"Good morning," he said. "Everything alright?"

Yukine shrugged but steadfastly kept his spirits from sinking as he began placidly nibbling at his breakfast. "I don't know, but we'll work it out."

"That's the spirit!" Kofuku chirped. "Daikoku and I are going out on a date, so you'll have plenty of time to finish making up with Yato-chan!"

"O-oh…" Unease wriggled in the pit of Yukine's stomach at the thought of facing Yato alone, but he squashed it down. "Well, have fun."

"We'll try not to destroy anything too important," Daikoku muttered. He put away the dishes and clapped Yukine on the shoulder. "Good luck."

Yukine would need it. There wasn't enough luck in the world to convince him that this would be easy.

He ate a bit and tried to focus on some math homework Hiyori had left for him. Anything to _not_ worry about what was going to happen any minute now. He hadn't come up with a good excuse for his behavior—not that his behavior was in any way excusable—and couldn't bring himself to come up with a pretty lie or sweet-nothing half-truth after all the deceit of the past weeks. That was worrisome since he also wasn't ready to give the _truth_ , but worrying about it wasn't going to make a flash of inspiration strike now.

The house was quiet as a tomb once Kofuku and Daikoku traipsed out the door with a few last parting words of encouragement. The waiting chewed at Yukine's fraying nerves, but he managed to stay calm enough until he heard the footsteps thumping slowly down the stairs nearly an hour later.

"Good morning," he squeaked as Yato trudged into the kitchen looking as if he hadn't slept at all. "There's, um, there's breakfast in the fridge. Kofuku and Daikoku went out. They said they had a date."

"A date…?" Yato's voice was thick with sleep, and he ran his bleary gaze over the kitchen. He sighed and rubbed at his eyes, which were still smudged with shadow underneath. "Huh. They don't do that much." He crossed his arms over his chest and narrowed his eyes at Yukine. "Well, we might as well talk since they're gone. What's been going on with you?"

Yukine's stomach dropped like a sack of bricks and he put his pencil down. "I… Uh…"

"You might as well tell me what happened."

"I… I can't."

Yato's eyes narrowed even further to blue slits, and his mouth was drawn in a tight line. "Why?"

"Because…" Yukine dropped his gaze and fiddled with his sleeves. "It's stupid. Nothing important. It doesn't matter anymore."

"Obviously it matters if it's making you say that you want to leave," Yato said flatly. Yukine winced. "I already told you, it's gone too far now. You might as well spit it out."

"I… I just…"

"Come on," Yato groaned. "I've been asking for the better part of two weeks. What could possibly be so bad?"

Yukine hunched his shoulders up around his ears and stared down at the hands twisting in his lap. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "But it's not a problem anymore. I'm not going to let it get to me anymore. So it's okay."

"It's _not_ okay!" Yato burst out, throwing his hands up. He was starting to sound genuinely angry now, frustrated and fed up. Yukine flinched. Yato very rarely yelled at him, very rarely seemed to be actually angry with him. Maybe he could sense the hollow promises. "It's _not_! I don't know what you think you're doing, but we can't keep going like this. _Tell me_."

"I can't!" Yukine wailed. He could feel himself falling apart again, cowed by Yato's frustration and desperately regretting everything he had done to bring them to this point.

" _You_ can't?" Yato barked out a harsh laugh and turned away. "I can't take it. This mess is slowly killing us both. I can't do this anymore."

He crossed the floor with quick, clipped steps, and Yukine looked up just in time to see him shove the door open and stride outside. Yukine blinked after him uncomprehendingly, but then scrambled to his feet and rushed for the door.

"Yato? Yato, wait!"

He stopped short in the doorway. The street was empty—Yato was gone. And Yukine _knew_ that if he went searching for his master again, if he searched for days on end, he wouldn't find him.

 _"I can't do this anymore."_

Yato had given Yukine so many chances, and they had finally run out.

Yukine stumbled back inside and slid down to the floor, pulling his knees to his chest and burying his face in them. He was trying not to cry because it would hurt Yato too, but his breath rattled painfully in his throat and forced its way out in strange, choked sounds.

He'd had everything he wanted all along, if he'd only appreciated it. Yato could be annoying and self-centered and unobservant, but he had always been home. He had always done his best by Yukine and given him plenty of affection, sometimes even too much. If Yukine had just accepted that and appreciated it for what it was, he wouldn't be teetering on the edge of losing it all.

 _"Poor little boy. You're dead. You don't need a family anymore."_

Yato had been Yukine's family, however unconventional, but now Yukine wasn't sure if Yato was coming back at all.

He wasn't sure how long he stayed huddled on the floor before the door opened again and Hiyori walked in, but it felt like forever.

"Hello!" she called cheerfully. "I'm– Yukine? Yukine, what's wrong?"

She rushed over and dropped to the floor beside him, her eyes filled with worry.

"I messed up," Yukine croaked, swiping the back of his hand across his eyes.

"What happened?"

"Yato's really mad at me," he mumbled with a sniffle.

She laughed a little nervously. "I don't think I've ever seen Yato be mad at you for longer than five minutes. I'm sure it will be fine!"

"You don't understand," he said bleakly. "I really hurt him this time. He left. I don't know if he's coming back. He said… He said that he couldn't do this anymore."

Hiyori bit her lip. "He'll come back. He cares too much not to. But Yukine, what happened to make things that bad?"

"There was… Something happened a couple weeks ago that really shook me up, and it made me do really stupid things. Yato's been trying to get me to tell him about it, but… I can't. It's really stupid and… I'm afraid it's going to hurt him and he'll think I don't trust him. I don't know what to do."

She stayed quiet for a long moment before taking a deep breath. "Well… Didn't you say that you're already hurting him? And don't you think that maybe refusing to tell him what happened is making him think that you don't trust him? I mean, he probably just wants to help, and it looks like you don't trust him enough to let him. So what do you really have to lose by telling him? Things are already bad, but at least you have a chance to fix them if you're honest with him. And giving him an explanation for why you're doing whatever you're doing would help clear things up."

That…was probably exactly right. Telling Yato could make things worse, but there was also the chance to fix things. If Yukine kept holding out, Yato was just going to keep slipping away anyway. There was no way to win if he did nothing, but at least he had a sliver of a chance if he told the truth…even if it would be incredibly embarrassing and maybe open fresh wounds.

He wished that he had asked for Hiyori's advice sooner instead of floundering on his own, because he had long since passed the point of thinking things through logically instead of letting his emotions take over. He trusted Hiyori. She was smart and always did her best to help, and he trusted that her advice was worth following.

"You're probably right," Yukine mumbled. "I just…" He trailed off and looked at her with new eyes. "Could you…? Could you maybe call him?"

"Huh?" She blinked at him, taken aback, and then understanding lit her eyes. She pulled her phone out of her pocket. "Of course. Here."

He shook his head. "You do it. He might not want to talk to me, but he'll talk to you."

Hiyori hesitated, but then dialed the number and held her phone to her ear. It rang and rang and rang, and Yukine's spirits sank. If Yato was upset, he might ignore _everyone's_ calls for a while until he was feeling better.

But then he picked up the phone. No sound came over the line.

"Yato?" Hiyori asked. "Yato, are you there?" There was a quiet mumbling from the other end of the line that Yukine couldn't make out. "Are you alright?…Oh, uh…" She glanced at Yukine helplessly, the question bright in her eyes.

Yukine grabbed the phone right out of her hand before he could think better of it, and the desperation leaked into his voice and colored every word. "Yato? Yato, I'm sorry. Please come back. I'm really sorry."

Only static crackled in his ear, and his heart thumped loudly against his ribcage in nervous anticipation. The line stayed quiet for several long seconds and then went dead. Yukine pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it.

"H-he hung up on me," he said in a small, wavering voice.

Tears were clouding his eyes again, no matter how hard he tried to blink them back. It had gone too far this time. Yato had come back last time Yukine had asked, but this rejection was heavy with finality. Yukine's breath hitched and his body trembled all over as his heart slowly cracked apart.

 _"I can't do this anymore."_

Pale, slender fingers dipped down to pull the phone from his hand, and his head jerked up in surprise. Yato flipped the phone shut and handed it back to Hiyori. He stared at Yukine with eyes that were still much too dull to match their normal electric hue, and his face was blank.

Yukine gaped right back, the gears in his mind spinning uselessly. Then relief crashed over him like a tsunami, and he lunged forward to throw his arms around Yato before remembering that he was a teenager who didn't do things like hugs. He squeezed Yato's thin frame so tightly that he was almost surprised none of his bones cracked, and tried to keep his sobs down to a quieter crying that maybe wouldn't hurt quite as much.

"You came back," he croaked past his tears.

There was a long stretch of silence, and then Yato folded his arms around the shinki in response. "I'm not the one running away," he said, and his voice was unbearably tired. "You're the one who keeps running farther and farther, and I don't know how to bring you back. All I can do is come when you call."

Yukine leaned back and scrubbed at the tears blurring his vision. He pressed his lips together in a tight line to try controlling their trembling. He didn't want to cry anymore. They were both messed up enough without it.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I know I've been really horrible. I…I didn't mean…"

Yato stayed quiet, but then he sighed and his shoulders slumped and the flat look on his face melted into something less severe. "You're my kid," he said finally. His eyes shone with exhaustion, but one corner of his mouth curled into a tired half-smile. "I would forgive you anything."

Yukine sniffled and pressed his lips tighter as they trembled. Beneath the exhaustion, the pain, the hurt, he could sense the truth and genuine affection dripping off every word. Any doubts that might have lingered somewhere in the back of his mind vanished like dew in the sun. It was just like Yato had always said. Like Bishamon had said.

Maybe Yato didn't fit the traditional idea of a father, maybe gods and shinki couldn't quite squash themselves into traditional roles like that, but he was undoubtedly, unequivocally _family_. Yukine had spent so long trying to stick labels on him and cram him into slots he would never fit into that he had forgotten to just appreciate Yato for who he _was_. Yato would never be the ideal father, Yukine would never be the ideal son, but they were something close enough. Yato _was_ Yukine's family, however nontraditional.

And Yukine wouldn't have it any other way.

Peaceful tranquility settled over him for the first time in a couple weeks, calming the wild storms of his emotions. He had been so worried about losing Yato, but he sensed that the god was telling the truth. The only way Yukine would lose Yato was if he deliberately left. Whatever he had done, whatever trouble he had caused, Yato would welcome him back with open arms when he came home again.

It was a breathtaking realization, even more so because Yukine rarely felt comfortable trusting someone so fully. But he trusted Yato, and the unconditional love he received in return was what he imagined family was supposed to be.

He gave Yato a wobbly smile. "Thank you."

Yato blinked at him, maybe taken aback by the sudden abatement of the storm, and cast a look between him and Hiyori. "Uh… Maybe we could…go out? This house is starting to feel suffocating. I think you could use some fresh air. Let's call a truce for now."

"Okay," Yukine agreed. They were both tired of arguing and worrying and hurting, and he, for one, would jump at any sign that Yato was willing to bridge the gap. "Truce."

Hiyori nodded, although she looked like she was suffering some serious whiplash from the seemingly random change of direction. "Um… Sure."

Yato nodded to himself and headed for the closet, returning a moment later with an armful of winter clothes. "It's cold outside."

He began stuffing Yukine into his coat, and the shinki wriggled about in protest.

"I can put on my own clothes," he complained.

"Well, you keep running around without them," Yato said severely. "Even with all you complain about the cold. So I'm going to make sure you bring them this time."

Yukine put up a few more token protests, but let Yato bundle him up in coats and scarves and hats. It was kind of sweet.

"What about the gloves?" he asked when they didn't appear.

Yato shrugged. "You don't like them. Your coat has pockets."

Yukine ducked his head to hide his face halfway beneath his scarf and conceal his blush. "I want them," he mumbled. "Even if they have stupid capypers."

Yato stared at him. "You… Well, whatever you want."

He tossed the gloves over, and Yukine pulled them on.

Hiyori smiled sheepishly and pulled the matching pair out of her coat pocket. "I have mine too, actually."

Yato stared at the both of them as they tugged on their gloves, but then he laughed and it was like the sun had peeked out from behind the clouds. "You two are such goofballs."

"That's rich, coming from _you!_ " Hiyori retorted.

Another wrinkle of tension on Yukine's heart smoothed itself out. Yato still looked tired and distant and a little melancholy, but some of the spark had returned to his eyes and he was smiling again. Things weren't totally okay yet, but they were getting there. There were still issues lurking beneath the surface that would have to be addressed, but for now they could take a quick break from the heartache of the past days. Rest and regroup before plunging back in. Maybe that was why Yato had suggested an outing in the first place.

They wandered out to the park. There was still a thread of awkwardness and tension running through every interaction, but they had thrown up a veneer of normalcy and could talk and laugh. Having Hiyori there to play peacekeeper and act as a buffer probably helped.

And then Yato decided it would be fun to sneak up on unsuspecting humans and pull strange faces or stunts or wave around random props while Hiyori snapped pictures on her phone—under duress, of course. When she pointed out that it was ridiculous and pointless, he declared, quite dramatically, that the point was to see how crazy and obtrusive he could get without his victims noticing him. It was too bad the living were so unobservant when it came to those of the Far Shore. They were really missing out on Yato making a fool of himself.

"How are you such an idiot?" Yukine asked with a sigh as Yato danced around in front of an oblivious lady while waving around a leafy branch he had found on the ground. Then he felt bad, especially when Yato flinched, but the apology stuck in his throat.

"I can't help it!" Yato said brightly before Yukine could work up the nerve to apologize. "It's my special talent! Get over here, Yukine! Come on, it's fun!"

Yukine _did not_ think it was fun, but Yato forced him to participate halfheartedly for a few minutes before letting him man the camera while he dragged a protesting Hiyori to partner up with him while he gave a dramatic monologue about capypers to some poor, ignorant couple just trying to go for a stroll in the park. It was totally stupid, but Yukine found the corners of his lips twitching upwards anyway. Which, knowing Yato, was probably the point. The god knew how to play the fool to break the tension. It was good to see things halfway back to normal.

Then Yato collapsed onto a bench with a sigh and slumped back. "Let's take a break."

"Break?" Hiyori asked in disbelief. " _You?_ What happened to that boundless energy of yours?"

Yukine bit his lip. "S-sorry. Am I still hurting you?"

A serious light glinted in Yato's eyes as he studied Yukine, but he shook his head. "Your emotions are more stable than they've been in weeks. I'm just tired."

"Sorry," Yukine mumbled as he sat down beside him.

Yato waved his hand dismissively. "Hey, let's look at the pictures!"

The pictures, Yukine had to admit, were gold. The three friends couldn't help but laugh at each ridiculous snapshot, and Yato insisted on sending a bunch of them to his own phone.

By the time Hiyori headed home and the boys retreated to Kofuku's place, the air was considerably lighter. Yato was drifting along with an air of exhaustion again, like the excursion had sapped what little energy he had these days, but Yukine was hoping that problem would be solved soon now that his emotions were less all over the place.

"How did things go?" Kofuku asked over dinner, smiling across the table at them. "You seem to be in better moods! Did you work things out?"

Yukine cast a shy, uncertain look at Yato. "We're working on it," he said. "But better."

Yato nodded once and poked at his food a little more. Yukine cleared his plate, his appetite back in full force now.

"Someone was hungry," Daikoku remarked. "Want seconds?"

"Sure."

"You can have the rest of mine." Yato scraped his mostly uneaten meal onto Yukine's plate.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"Not really." Yato sighed and passed his hand over his face. "I'm exhausted. Sorry, I think I'm going to head to bed."

"You should get some sleep," Kofuku agreed. "You've seemed really tired."

Yukine chewed on his lip as Yato unfolded his limbs and picked himself up stiffly. "Yato?"

The god turned back from where he'd started for the stairs. "Hm?"

Yukine took a deep breath. "I'll tell you tomorrow," he said quietly. "Promise."

Yato tilted his head, suspicion gleaming in his eyes, but then nodded. "Okay."

He climbed the stairs, leaving Yukine to stare after him. Yukine still didn't feel ready, but things had already gone too far and he owed Yato at least this much. He would figure out how to soften the blow so it didn't seem quite as bad, but he couldn't put it off any longer.

He hoped that once they got it out of the way, once there wasn't such a big secret hanging between them and digging an ever-widening rift, things would be okay again.

* * *

"Yukine, wake up! Hiyori is here to give you your lesson since you didn't get it yesterday. Come down when you're ready."

Yukine yawned and stretched. Yato poked him with his foot.

"I'm up, I'm up," Yukine moaned.

"Wonderful. I'll be downstairs."

Yukine sighed and dragged himself out of bed as Yato disappeared out the door. He hadn't slept well, plagued by thoughts of what this talk was going to entail and what Yato's reaction might be. But if Hiyori was here for an early lesson, at least that gave him a bit of a reprieve to collect his thoughts instead of jumping straight into the lions' den.

He trudged to the bathroom to comb through his sleep-tousled hair and brush his teeth and do all of the other normal things he usually did in the morning.

It all seemed mind-numbingly normal, until he pulled his shirt off and accidentally dropped it. He bent over to pick it up. As he was standing back up, he caught a glimpse of something strange in the mirror.

A frown twisted his features as he turned and craned his neck to get a better look at the odd blemish. His heart seized in horror.

There, staring back at him in the mirror, was a large collection of reddened ayakashi eyeballs embedded in his back.

* * *

 **Note: Oops? But to be fair, all the signs were there. Yukine, why are you so caught up in your teenage angst? *facepalm* You should've seen this coming from a mile away lol**

 **And yes, I'm drawing shameless parallels with how Yukine rejected Yato's summons. Or, like, Yukine is really the one putting all the distance between them and then rejected Yato when he reached out, and now Yato sometimes needs some space (let's be honest, the frustration and hurt are real here and the blight isn't helping XD) but he's still coming back when Yukine calls him. And I think Yukine needs to see that to really understand and erase his doubts and get back that unconditional trust, so now he's a little better prepared to close the distance again and come when Yato calls him. Or something like that. It made sense in my head lol**


	5. Chapter 5

**Note: What is this? They finally hit a breaking point and have to talk? Witchcraft!**

 **EndarkenedSanity: Ayakashi are just creepy as a rule and the bits with shinki and blight are the worst. I like that creepiness factor even when it's cringey, because it feels more raw and genuine instead of sugarcoated, I guess. But you're totally right XD Well, the way to make Yukine talk about something he reaaaaaaally doesn't want to talk about is to push things to the point where he snaps out of it or doesn't really have a choice X)**

 **runner: You are absolutely correct lol It's hard to feel that much guilt and know you're doing something wrong and _not_ succumb to blight. It...hasn't really been a pretty couple weeks for Yato XD**

 **Sin: Yeah, Yato has enough problems with self-esteem and insecurities from his father, so I think it would be harder for him to just let go of things like this that really poke at them. But he tends to turn that inward rather than lashing out (I mean, he can get annoyed sometimes and pissed off, but not usually at those closest to him past minor annoyance—he even let Bishamon get away with an awful lot before snapping, and she was hunting him for centuries for pretty unjustified reasons), so he ends up doubting himself more rather than holding grudges. But _of course_ he's coming back :3 Ha ha, Yukine needs some prodding before he can suck it up and get talking. But that time was important because he was actually resolving to tell Yato rather than totally shutting him down. It's an important shift in his attitude :3**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

* * *

Yukine's stomach turned over, and the shirt slipped from between his fingers unnoticed to fall back to the floor. There were well over half a dozen eyeballs nestled in his upper back, a couple large ones and a handful of smaller ones sprinkled across his skin. Disgust welled up inside him, the desire to _get them off, get them off now_ , but that wasn't the only reason he felt like he might throw up.

He had been stinging Yato, and not just a little bit. He should have _known_. How had he not noticed? How had he been so _blind_? He had been doing and saying so many stupid things and feeling so _guilty_. No wonder he had been blighting Yato. If he had stopped to think it over, he would have guessed. He had been so caught up in questioning Yato and then desperately scrambling to find a way to fix things that blight had never even crossed his mind.

All the signs had been there. Yato hadn't been eating or sleeping properly and always seemed exhausted. Yukine had assumed it was just his turbulent emotions causing the disturbance, but… No wonder Yato was so out of sorts. Yukine had hit him on every front possible. The god had to deal with Yukine's supercharged emotions, all the pain Yukine's hurtful actions caused him, and the blight on top of it all.

Yukine scooped up his shirt from the floor as he charged out of the room, yanking it on while racing for the kitchen.

"But you barely touched dinner either," Kofuku was saying. "Why don't you want to eat?"

Yato was sitting across the table, his elbow propped on the table and his cheek cupped in his hand, stealthily trying to draw on the corner of Hiyori's homework with a stolen pencil and only getting whacked for his trouble. His back was to the door, but Yukine could imagine the dark circles beneath his eyes and pinched lines on his face.

"So pushy," the god mumbled. "I'm not hungry."

Daikoku's brows drew together as he turned away from the stove to study him. "Is everything with Yukine still–?"

Hiyori spotted Yukine careening through the doorway and frowned. "Yukine? Are you okay?"

Yukine rushed straight over to Yato and grabbed the collar of his jersey to yank it back and get a look at his neck. Yato choked out a garbled sound as it cut into his throat, but they had bigger problems. Yukine brushed aside wisps of dark hair and felt his heart plummet. A dark purple stain spread across the pale skin of Yato's neck like a stormy bruise and disappeared beneath his shirt.

"I've been blighting you?" Yukine asked in a wavering voice, shaking his head in denial. "Shit, of course I have. How did I not notice?"

He grabbed the hem of the jersey and shoved it and the shirt underneath all the way up as far as they would go. Blight was inked across Yato's back in large, dark splotches and wrapped halfway around his side. Yukine thought he might be sick. This wasn't like one little sting.

"Hey," Yato protested halfheartedly. "Hands off. And I dunno. You were preoccupied, I guess."

Hiyori sucked in a breath, her eyes widening. "Oh no… What _happened_?"

"No wonder you've been so out of sorts," Kofuku mumbled. Her mouth pinched in worry. "I thought it was just because Yukki was upset…"

Daikoku uttered a low curse. "That's already spread considerably far. You idiot, why didn't you take care of it sooner?" He looked between Yato and Yukine, clearly torn on what he should think.

"It's so much," Yukine whispered. "H-how long…?"

He thought he knew the answer before the question left his mouth, but he just released his grip and pushed the right sleeve of Yato's jersey up past the elbow. Purplish-black patches appeared from beneath the sleeve and spread down to his elbow. Yukine's breath caught in his throat and his fingers trembled.

"You've been lying to me nonstop since this mysterious incident you won't tell me about." Yato sighed and dropped his head onto the table, eyes dull and half-lidded and body slumped over bonelessly. "Among other things."

Other things like refusing to come when called even though he _knew_ it was wrong and making it sound like he wanted to be released. Things like hurting Yato and feeling guilty about it instead of behaving in the first place or setting things right.

"That was two weeks ago!" Yukine cried. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Yato turned his face so that his cheek was pressed to the tabletop and let his eyes flutter shut. "I was kind of hoping that you would tell me what happened yourself instead of feeling like you had no choice because of the blight," he murmured in a breathy voice like a sigh.

Yukine's lips trembled and he blinked back tears. "Yato… I…" His whole body went stiff as he noticed the blight creeping down past Yato's elbow and across his forearm like spilled ink. "It's still spreading?" he asked, his voice pitched high in fear and disbelief. "What am I doing now?"

Yato reached across slowly with his other hand and hooked pale fingers into the sleeve to drag it back down to hide the blight. "You feel guilty," he said with a sigh, his brows pinching together. "If you think it's wrong to blight me and you feel bad about it, you're continuing to sting me for it. Calm down, Yukine. It's okay."

"How is it _okay_?" Yukine asked, aghast. He took a deep breath and tried to quell his panicky guilt to minimize the damage, but he was shaking all over. "We need to go get an ablution."

"Not yet."

"Don't be pointlessly stubborn," Daikoku said harshly. "This has already gone too far. You're only hurting the both of you by putting it off."

Hiyori rested her hand on Yukine's forearm and offered him a wobbly smile that was probably meant to be reassuring, but she directed her words at Yato. "You look really awful. We should get that taken care of right away. I'm sure you'll both feel better after."

Yato fixed his gaze on Yukine, something sharp and bright cutting through the dull haze of pain and weariness. "You have to tell me first."

"What?" Yukine barked out a short, shaky laugh that wasn't amused so much as saturated with disbelief. "Forget that. We need to fix the blight."

"You realize that you'll have to address it during the ablution? Everything you're stinging me for is connected to it. If you can't even bring yourself to tell me, how are you going to admit it during a formal ablution? And if you choke during the ablution, it's going to make things a lot more painful for both of us."

"But…" Yukine chewed on his lip. The thought of an ablution made him squirm almost as much as the eyeballs burrowing into his skin and Yato was probably right, but he didn't want to waste any time fixing the blight he'd inflicted on his god.

"You promised," Yato said quietly.

He looked small and vulnerable and lost slumped over the table with dark hair framing his face and eyes as soft and blue as tears. Yukine was the one who had made him that way, who had reduced his sunny, vibrant god to a tired, sad, insecure shadow. Some guidepost he was.

Yato disappeared behind a film of tears as Yukine nodded.

"Give us twenty minutes." Yato heaved himself up and swayed slightly on his feet. "Guess I'll have to beg a favor from the blonde bimbo. She's going to hold it over my head forever."

Hiyori bit her lip as she looked between the god and his shinki. "Call down when you're ready," she said, worry thickening her voice. "I'll come with you."

"Us too!" Kofuku said.

Yato's eyebrow arched high on his forehead. "I'm sure Bishamon would appreciate you bringing your aura into her place."

Kofuku pouted. "I don't care."

"I'll help with the ablution," Daikoku said firmly.

Yato just shrugged. "If the psycho bitch is going to hold it over my head, I won't feel bad if she gets some bad luck out of it."

He drifted to the stairs and started up one painful, laborious step at a time. Yukine hurried after him, wincing at how Yato's normally energetic movements had become slow and strained.

"Are you okay?" he whispered, grabbing Yato's arm as the god teetered on the edge of another step. Then he wanted to kick himself for being so stupid. Did Yato _look_ like he was okay?

Yato smiled tiredly and dragged himself up another step. "Sure. Relax, Yukine. All you have to do is tell me what upset you so much. That's…the only thing I want from you right now."

Yukine felt horrible. If he had just been honest from the beginning, none of this would have happened.

Yato brushed his fingers along the wall for support as he reached the top of the stairs and trudged into their room. He dropped to sit cross-legged on the end of his futon in a heap. Yukine closed the door and crept over to sink down on the other end of the bed, putting as much distance between them as possible.

Yato assessed him with those searing blue eyes of his, something sharp and focused burning away the lethargy and pain. "Alright, then," he said, new firmness creeping into his voice. "Talk to me."

He made it sound so simple, like Yukine could just spit it all out with nothing holding him back and expect that Yato would accept and forgive whatever it might be. Then again, that was pretty much exactly what Yato had said and…Yukine should trust him.

 _"You're my kid. I would forgive you anything."_

That didn't exactly make it any easier to find the words, but Yukine took a deep breath and looked down at his hands fiddling nervously in his lap. He needed to suck it up so that they could cleanse the blight, but also… Yato deserved that much and Yukine was tired of keeping secrets that drove them apart. This had been a long time coming.

"That day…before you showed up to get me for that job with the girl who could see ayakashi…I, um… Well, I ran into Nora."

"What did she do?" Yato asked, hard anger threading through his voice.

"N-nothing, really… She just sort of…said a lot of stuff."

"…Like what?"

Yukine could feel the heat creeping across his face, and his fingers intensified their nervous tugging at his sleeves. "It was really ridiculous," he mumbled. "I mean, it didn't make any sense and it caught me by surprise because it was so ridiculous. I don't even know where she came up with something so ridicu–"

"It was ridiculous," Yato said, cutting off Yukine's rambling with a hint of dry humor. "I take your point. What was so ridiculous?"

"She said, um…" Yukine hunched his shoulders and ducked his head as his cheeks flamed and his tongue twisted into knots. "She said…that if I was…if I was looking for a–a father in you, I'd be disappointed." Now that the damning words were out in the air and couldn't be snatched back, he rushed to cover them up and justify them in a veritable flood of words without even pausing to take breaths. "Which was ridiculous, obviously, and I told her so. I don't know where she'd even get an idea like that. As if I'd expect– And she said that you didn't understand family because your father only treated you like a tool and you saw me the same way, but that was stupid and I knew it. I really did! I mean, your father is a jerk, but I know you don't really think like that.

"And she tried to justify it by saying you were really good at wearing masks and hiding stuff, which is _true_ , but that doesn't mean…you know. But she said it was my fault too, for, you know, always being mean to you. But you know I don't…?" He trailed off uncertainly and darted a glance up at Yato.

Any initial surprise had long since been eclipsed by some kind of grim understanding. Yato watched with hooded eyes, mouth drawn in a tight line, which was not reassuring. He nodded once, which was all the encouragement Yukine needed to continue his unfiltered barrage of words.

"She said it was a good thing, because you only knew how to act like your father." Yukine's eyes narrowed to slits and his nostrils flared as he stared back down at his hands clenched in white-knuckled fists. "And it made me really angry, because you'd _never_ be like him. And I told her so! I really did! I never, _never_ believed that. But she pulled that whole 'I've known him for centuries' card and dared me to disobey you and see what happened, because your father punishes you and won't ever let you go. And I didn't–I didn't think you'd do anything like that, I _swear_ I didn't, but… I don't know. Maybe I just wanted to prove her wrong. I'm _really_ sorry about that. I shouldn't have…

"And then she said…" Yukine's voice trembled, and he finally stopped to pull in a shaky breath. "She said that you don't understand love because no one but her has ever loved you, and it made me…really angry and…sad. That's so cruel… And it's not true! She also said that you've never loved anyone, but I don't think that's true either."

His mouth twisted into a bitter little smile as he added, "And then she pulled the whole 'poor little boy, you're dead and don't need a family anymore' card." He deflated, his shoulders slumping and his hands stilling in his lap as he stared down at them with dull eyes. "I shouldn't have let her get in my head. I'm… I'm really sorry. It was really stupid to doubt you when you've always been… I shouldn't have let Nora goad me into testing you when I knew better."

Dead silence hung over the other end of the futon, and Yukine finally risked a glance up. Yato sat still as a statue, eyes distant and lips pressed together.

"Yato?" Yukine ventured nervously after the god had failed to say anything for nearly a full minute. "I… I'm sorry," he mumbled again, for what felt like the thousandth time. "I…didn't want to tell you because…I was worried it would hurt you and…make you think I didn't trust you. But I guess I did that anyway, so…I really messed that up. I didn't mean to…"

Yato sighed and leaned forward to hunch over and rest his arms across his knees as he frowned down at the futon blankly. "She's really good at messing with your head because she uses just enough of the truth and twists it around."

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Family is not…something I ever really saw as a good thing," Yato said tiredly. "It was something that was meant to hurt you, something you should want to run away from. I didn't really understand for a long time that it was supposed to be different. And when I first realized that you'd stopped just being some kid and become _mine_ …I panicked.

"I don't know anything about raising a kid or being a father, even just a sort-of-kind-of father. And I wasn't sure I wanted to be any kind of father at all. The whole idea is just so… _wrong_ to me. All I knew was Father, and he's… I didn't want to be like that. I can try _not_ to be like him, but that doesn't really tell me what I _should_ be doing. I've watched the human families, but…those aren't quite the same. It's not… It's not easy for me. I still worry sometimes, because I have no idea what I'm doing."

Yukine swallowed hard. "You aren't–"

"She was right: if you're trying to find a normal, human father in me, you're not going to find it. I'm going to disappoint you." Yato closed his eyes and pressed his fingertips to his forehead as if his head ached. "I'm too old and not any good at communicating with people and have too many quirks and don't know how to fill that role like a normal human. I have no idea what I'm doing or how to even start trying to be that. But…I've been trying. I'm never going to be any kind of proper father or guardian, but I'm trying to build a family with you. One that is a happy place instead of something you want to run away from. I'm just not any good at it because I don't have any personal experience."

It hurt to hear Yato talk about himself like that, like he had even more doubts than Yukine. But something small and sweet and hopeful bloomed in the very corner of Yukine's heart anyway, because it sounded like… It sounded like Yato had long since decided that they were a family, doubts or not. So maybe…

Maybe it wasn't so ridiculous after all, to see him as something like a father. Maybe it wasn't so presumptuous, something Yukine should be embarrassed of. If Yato was offering, then maybe it was okay for Yukine to expect it and he wasn't just imposing his selfish desires on the god.

It hit him then, exactly how badly he wanted it.

Yukine sniffled and scrubbed at his eyes. "You're doing fine," he mumbled. "It was my mistake for trying to stuff you into some traditional role instead of just accepting the way things are. We don't have to fit into boxes nicely to be family. I… I like being your kid, whatever that means."

"It hurts to see you watching the human families," Yato murmured, almost to himself, his eyes clouded over. "You should have that. You deserve that. I can't give it to you, but…I'm trying to do what I can. And when I'm messing things up, I'd rather you just tell me so that I can work on it. I'm…sorry I made you think that I didn't care."

"You didn't–! It's…not like that. Maybe it just…didn't feel like I deserved it… Everything you give me, and I…wonder _why_. I think maybe I was doubting myself more than you. You didn't do anything wrong."

Why would a god that had lived for centuries and seen more than Yukine could even imagine really _care_ about some random kid he'd known for only a few months? Why would Yukine be any more than just a short-lived blip on the radar? Did he have any right to expect to be anything more? Why _should_ Yato care after all the trouble Yukine gave him, after the blight and insults and rudeness? And if Yato didn't have any reason to care, who _would_ care about Yukine? Who else would he want to build a family with, and who would want to build a family with him?

Yukine had spent so long doubting Yato that he had almost failed to see that the question wasn't so much whether Yato loved him as it was whether Yukine was lovable. He could get affection from Hiyori or even Kofuku and Daikoku, but he wanted it from _Yato_ , who was supposed to be his god and master, who he was supposed to guide and protect and who was supposed to guide and protect him, who he should have the closest bond of all with. If Yukine pushed and pushed and pushed, would Yato still be there anyway?

Oh, he might have had doubts about Yato with all his secrets and strangeness, but maybe it all boiled down to his own insecurities in the end. It still wasn't fair to project his own doubts onto Yato and decide the god couldn't care just because Yukine wasn't sure he should. It still displayed a lack of trust and pushed the problem at someone else like Yato should shoulder the blame for Yukine's insecurities. But it was less of a problem on Yato's part—despite his admittedly many flaws—than on Yukine's.

"Oh, kiddo," Yato sighed. The weariness clouding his features deepened. His eyes looked like they had aged a hundred years in two weeks. "You deserve it more than anyone. And the _why_ is simple. You are mine. Maybe you don't…understand everything you've done for me. But I do and you're my kid and I care. You aren't perfect, and I don't expect you to be. I care about you for exactly who you are, not for who you think you _should_ be."

Yukine curled into himself as far as he could and gave up trying to wipe away the tears before they fell. "It bothers me sometimes," he admitted in a small voice. "About the families. Sometimes it hurts. But sometimes… Sometimes I'm glad that I'm dead."

Yato stared at him like he'd grown a second head. "What?"

"If I wasn't, I never would have met you, right?" Yukine flushed and hurried to add, "Or Hiyori or Kofuku or Daikoku or Kazuma or anyone. They're like family, even if it's a bit of an unconventional one. I wish…" He bit his lip and hugged his knees to his chest. "I wish you'd had a family like that too, instead of…"

There was a pause and then Yato snorted. "Isn't it supposed to go both ways? Doing this isn't only giving _you_ a family. You're giving me one too. You shouldn't listen to Nora. I don't mind your whining. You're a teenager—being a lousy brat part of the time comes with the territory."

"Wh-whatever," Yukine stuttered, his face red. He sobered and hugged his knees tighter. "I really am sorry," he mumbled. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"Don't worry about it!" Yato said with some semblance of his normal good cheer. "We'll do the ablution in a minute and everything will be fine."

"Not the blight," Yukine mumbled. "I mean, I'm sorry for that too, but… I'm sorry for hurting your feelings and making you think you did something wrong and that I didn't want to be with you anymore."

The pause was longer this time before Yato sighed. "A lot of people have hurt me over the centuries," he said. "Precious few have made me happy. You can break me a little if you need to, as long as you stick around to help me pick up the pieces."

Yukine started shaking again, the world disappearing behind a blur of tears. He tried to choke them back, but everything was so raw and everything that Yato said made him want to cry his heart out.

"Come here," said Yato. Yukine scrubbed at his eyes to see that Yato had opened his arms. "I know you're a teenager and you can't do touchy-feely stuff or risk ruining your reputation, but you can drop the bratty attitude for a second."

Yato had always come when Yukine called, so this time Yukine scrambled forward to accept the invitation. He crawled right into Yato's lap and curled up, eliciting a surprised grunt from the god. Yato wrapped his arms around Yukine, and it felt like a homecoming. All the doubts seemed silly in the face of that.

"You're always welcome back, no matter how far you run," Yato said quietly. "You have a home here whenever you want it."

Yukine sniffled and pressed close. "I want it."

Yato snorted. "Then welcome home, prodigal son," he teased.

"Sh-shut up!" Yukine stuttered, tucking his flaming face into the god's chest.

He stayed wrapped up in the embrace for a few minutes, letting the warmth soothe away some of the pain and regret. For just a few minutes, it felt like the rest of the world was far away and he could almost forget about the mess that still needed to be fixed.

Then Yato shifted uncomfortably. "Okay, time to go to the psycho bitch's place. I can't feel my legs anymore. Good grief, how much have you been _eating_? You're _heavy_."

Yukine scowled and slithered out of Yato's lap to pull himself to his feet beside the futon. "Just because _you_ won't eat…"

"Feels like you've been eating enough for the both of us," Yato shot back as he picked himself up more gingerly, wincing but finding his feet. "Could you…call Hiyori and the rest of them?"

"Yeah." Yukine crossed the room to open the door while Yato hobbled over to the little shrine on the windowsill. "We're heading over!" he called down the stairs.

Hurried footsteps started up the stairs almost immediately, and he retreated back to the shrine with Yato as Hiyori, Kofuku, and Daikoku came rushing into the room.

"Is everything okay?" Hiyori demanded, searching their faces with worried eyes. "You talked it out?"

Yukine nodded and shuffled his feet. "Yeah."

"Everything's fine," Yato said. "But let's hurry up and get this over with. I can't wait to be rid of this mess."

"Well, hurry up and let's get going," Daikoku said, his voice rough with concern. "You're the one who's been putting it off."

Yato didn't need to be told twice. Neither did Yukine. It was long past time to cut out the sickness that had been eating holes into their relationship.

* * *

 **Note: Ugh, our little bundles of insecurity. But hey, at least they finally talked about something useful? Yukine just needs a lot of prodding sometimes lol Gotta break the poor boy to make him open up x.x**

 **Also, to be fair, the prodigal son is so named for being wastefully extravagant and wasting his entire inheritance after he ditches his father and blah blah blah, but we've turned the parable into a cultural symbol for the rebellious child who runs away from home to generally do dumb stuff instead of appreciating his family and later comes back repentant and is forgiven, so that's the interpretation I was going for lol Sorry, the religious symbolism is strong with this one X)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Note: Sorry, the ablution had to happen lol It would have felt like a cop-out not to include it after all that.**

 **Thanks for the reviews.  
And I do agree that shinki can have it a bit rough and it's a pretty big burden for a child, especially once you put being a guidepost/exemplar on top of it. On the other hand, it's better than nothing? I mean, they'd be dead-dead otherwise, and it seems like the spirits that don't get picked up as shinki tend to get themselves eaten by ayakashi or corrupted because they have no way to defend themselves. And the gods also have to deal with the repercussions too, from using their own lives to give shinki names and then being bound to their emotional states and sins. I like to think that the emotional bond is also like an early warning system to give gods the chance to realize something is going on with their shinki and try to find a way to fix it before they start letting their emotions tempt them into self-destructive behavior that will lead to blight and possibly death. Although I'd definitely hate to feel like someone was always monitoring my emotions and behavior x.x But I actually like that shinki and gods both have to deal with serious effects, because it's more realistic to me that there would be real consequences and responsibilities and difficulties that come from basically extending someone's life beyond its natural conclusion. It would feel like a cop-out if nothing really changed. Plus it makes for some thought-provoking material and fodder for writers like me who live for exploring difficult emotions and psychological states XD But I agree that it's definitely rough—I just also kind of like it that way XD**

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

* * *

The shrine took them to Takamagahara, and from there it was a short walk to Bishamon's mansion next door. Short or not, it was plenty of time for Yukine's nerves to return. An ablution was not a pleasant prospect. The last one had been unbearably painful, and he wasn't looking forward to a repeat. But he had made his bed, and he would lie in it. He would do what needed to be done.

"What are _you_ doing back here?" Bishamon asked when she spotted Yato approaching.

She and Kazuma and a handful of other shinki were gathered out in the grass in front of the mansion, but they all took an interest in the intruders.

"I need a favor," Yato said through gritted teeth, like each word had to be physically dragged out of him.

"A _favor_? Like what?"

"We need to hold an ablution. Can we borrow a couple shinki? It shouldn't be a dangerous one."

"An ablution?" Bishamon craned her neck around to frown at Yukine, who inched behind Yato and stared at the ground while shame flushed his cheeks.

"That's what I said…"

"Yukine?" Kazuma asked, surprise and confusion coloring his voice. "What happened?"

"Hey, lay off the kid," Yato said. "It's fine. We already talked it over."

Yukine hunched his shoulders and found it impossible to meet anyone's gaze, especially Kazuma's. Kazuma was his mentor and never stung Bishamon and could be rather severe in his judgment of shinki who let their emotions and actions hurt their gods. Yukine should have learned better after the first ablution, and that made this new failure even more disgraceful.

"Are you okay?" Hiyori whispered, inching closer to him. He nodded and toed the ground. "Don't worry," she breathed in his ear. "Everything will be alright."

He loved her too, for always trying to make him feel better.

"Well…" Bishamon sighed. "If anyone volunteers to help you, I won't stop them."

"I'll do it," Kazuma said immediately. "Are you helping as well, Daikoku?"

"That's why I'm here," Daikoku replied.

Well, that was already two of the original three who had seen Yukine's first mess of an ablution. He wasn't sure if that made him feel better or worse. They had already seen him at his worst and this wouldn't even compare to that, but everyone had also thought that he'd learned his lesson and turned over a new leaf.

"I'll help," Aiha said after a short pause.

"Wonderful." Yato sighed and reached up to press his fingertips to his forehead. "Let's get this show on the road."

Yukine's gaze snapped up as he caught a flash of purple out of the corner of his eye. Blight was creeping out from beneath the cuff of Yato's sleeve now, blooming across the back of his hand and threading around his fingers.

"It's still spreading?" Yukine blurted out in horror, that ball of guilt tightening in his stomach again.

"How bad _is_ it?" Kazuma demanded as he noticed the same thing.

"Hm?" Yato looked down and turned his hand this way and that, studying the blight. He retracted his hand up to disappear within the sleeve so that the end hung loosely, and then turned to cup Yukine's face in his hands—one warm and unblighted, the other damaged and hidden beneath the fabric of the jersey—and force the shinki to meet his eyes. His own eyes were calm, his voice firm and steady. "Calm down, Yukine. The worse you feel, the farther it spreads. It's alright. Things happen."

Yukine let Yato's steady presence ground him a little, but he wasn't put at ease by the excuse. " _Kazuma_ doesn't sting Bishamon," he muttered. It wasn't like it was normal for all shinki to blight their masters—Yukine was just really bad about it.

"Well, you aren't Kazuma," Yato said with a shrug. "You're still a kid, and sometimes things happen. You're at a difficult, volatile age. I knew that when I named you, and I chose you anyway." Yukine's face felt hot, but then Yato added, almost as an afterthought, "Mind you, Hiyori and I were being chased by an ayakashi at the time, so I didn't really have a lot of options."

"H-hey!" Yukine protested. A hint of a wicked smirk pulled at the corners of Yato's lips and his eyes sparkled with humor. Despite himself, Yukine felt his mood lift just a little bit, which he knew was the point. Yato was Yato, and he would always be trying to cheer people up. "You're impossible."

Yato snorted and released him. "Right. You ready, kiddo?"

Yukine took a deep breath and bit down on his lip. "Yeah."

He didn't want to. The thought of the pain that was coming, of confessing everything he had done in front of everyone, made him want to curl up in a ball and pull the covers over his head. It had to be done, but that didn't make it any easier. Yato had probably been prescient to make Yukine admit everything beforehand or he might not have been able to go through with it.

"Great." Yato turned and staggered a half-step to the right, wincing and pressing his unblemished hand to his head again.

"S-sorry," Yukine stammered, reaching out but hesitating as the god righted himself on his own.

"It's okay." Yato looked pinched and wan, his face tight with pain and deathly pale aside from the dark circles beneath his eyes, but he smiled. "But let's hurry up, 'kay?"

"Yeah…"

Hiyori grabbed Yukine's hand and squeezed it, giving him a reassuring smile that was nonetheless tinged with concern. He managed a shaky smile in return, and she released him so that he could trail after Yato and the others as they circled around the side of the mansion to find a spot in the grass away from the main thoroughfare.

"Here, Yukine," Kazuma said, ushering him forward. Yukine risked a glance up to see his mentor watching him with eyes filled with both disapproval and something bordering on sympathy. "You'll do fine."

Kazuma, Daikoku, and Aiha spread out around him at the three points of a triangle, while Yato, Hiyori, Bishamon, and Kofuku lingered on the sidelines. Yukine set his jaw and prepared himself for what was coming.

"Shirt, Yukine," Daikoku called.

Yukine _did not_ want to bare his sins for the world to see, but he knew it was important to make sure they were all exorcised. And he supposed that he was already going to have to confess everything anyway. Still, the eyeballs were horrifying enough on their own and he wasn't keen to go showing them off.

His face burned with shame as he reluctantly pulled the garment over his head. Someone sucked in a breath.

"What…?" Kazuma's voice was tight. "How did things even get that far?"

"Can we just get things going?" Yato complained. "Let me tell you, I'm ready to get this cleansed already."

Bishamon let out a low whistle. "Do you need to sit down?"

"Back off, pervy nympho. I'm fine."

"Why, you–!"

Yukine promptly lost interest in the bickering as the shinki arrayed around him began chanting the ritual words and drawing their borderlines. Yukine gritted his teeth as the magic whispered mercilessly along his skin like bared steel, ready to cut the corruption out.

"Alright, Yukine," Kazuma said once everything was in place. "Confess."

Yukine shivered and fought past his reluctance. He would start with the easier things and find his way from there.

"I lied a lot," he mumbled. Something sharp clawed at his back, and he hissed in pain. "I said nothing happened instead of telling Yato about meeting Nora. I said that I was fine and nothing was wrong and it didn't involve him. I wouldn't tell him anything even though he kept asking. I let Nora get under my skin when I knew better and push me to…" He swallowed hard. The magic was scouring him outside and inside until he felt rubbed raw, slicing relentlessly at the phantom corruption buried in his skin as he released his sins one by one, but it wasn't the pain that made it so hard to force the words out. This was the part he was most ashamed of, the part he regretted the most. "To…"

"Keep going," Kazuma said with a hint of warning in his voice. "We don't want this to be as painful as last time."

Yukine knew that, just…

Something moved in his peripheral vision, and he looked up to see Yato stepping up in front of him with just the shimmering borderline separating them. The god stepped closer than he probably should and lifted his hand to hover in the air with the palm almost pressed to the barrier. His eyes glowed a bright blue that captured Yukine's gaze and refused to release it.

"Talk to me," he said quietly, his voice steady and calm again to ground Yukine.

 _"I'll guide you. Just trust me."_

 _"You can tell me anything, you know."_

 _"You're my kid. I would forgive you anything."_

 _"I was kind of hoping that you would tell me what happened yourself instead of feeling like you had no choice because of the blight."_

 _"You're always welcome back, no matter how far you run. You have a home here whenever you want it."_

The other shinki were here to judge Yukine and absolve him of his sins, and that was fine. It was their job. But Yato was the one who would open his arms to Yukine no matter what he did and welcome him back home and love him unconditionally anyway.

"I'm really sorry!" Yukine wailed. "I'm sorry that I refused to come when you called me. I'm sorry that I said I wanted you to release me and made you think that you did something wrong and that I wanted to leave. I'm sorry I pushed you so much just to prove Nora wrong and that I doubted you so much even though I knew better. I'm sorry that I wouldn't tell you what was wrong even when you kept asking. I'm sorry that you had to deal with all my crazy emotions and that I was so wrapped up in stupid things that I didn't even realize I was blighting you. I'm sorry I kept pushing you away even when you always came when I called you. I'm sorry that I hurt you so much over something so stupid and…and…

"What am I missing?" He racked his brain desperately, panic clawing at his insides. The pain was still slicing at his back and sending tremors through his body, so there had to be something else. It wasn't over yet, but he didn't know what it was that he hadn't confessed. "What else did I do?"

"The insults," Yato said evenly.

"The… What?"

"You've started stinging me when you say unkind things about me."

Yukine's heart plummeted. "But I do that all the time!"

Yato shrugged, unruffled. "Well, only when you notice and feel bad about it. And you didn't sting me for it before, so you must have decided that it was wrong recently." He huffed out a tired laugh. "Trust me, it startled the hell out of me the first time it happened."

Maybe Yukine should have guessed. Saying that he was a big part of the problem by always being mean to Yato had been one of Nora's most fruitful accusations. Yukine had started feeling bad about things he'd barely given a thought to before, but he hadn't thought it was enough to actually _sting_ Yato over.

"I didn't realize…" Yukine let out a shaky breath and scrubbed at his eyes. "I'm sorry for always saying mean things to you. I'm sorry for calling you lazy and annoying and worthless and stupid and–and whatever else I say. I don't mean it."

A slight shudder spasmed through Yato's body, and he winced and turned his head to the side to spit out a mouthful of blood. "You might want to reconsider that one."

"Okay, maybe I mean some of it," Yukine mumbled. "You can be pretty obnoxious and drive me crazy and do a lot of stupid things and be kind of self-absorbed and waste all our money on stupid charms because you're ridiculously gullible sometimes and–"

"I take your point," Yato said dryly, his eye twitching. "Don't strain yourself."

"But you saved me when no one else would and always try to make everyone happy and sit with me when I have nightmares and fight to protect everyone and always welcome me back no matter what I do and built a family for me. So it's not fair to always complain about your annoying qualities when you do so much for everyone and make me happy."

Yato was blinking at him strangely, his mouth twisted into a funny little line, and his gaze slid away. "I already told you, I don't care about that," the god mumbled. "I expect some bratty teenage attitude from you."

"I don't know why I let Nora get into my head like that. Bishamon was right."

"Bishamon?" Yato looked back up with a frown.

Yukine wrapped his arms around himself and ducked his head. "She said that being a parent doesn't come naturally to you either, but you really try."

Yato twisted around to throw a glance over his shoulder, and Bishamon's face turned red.

"I have no idea what he's talking about!" she protested.

Yato snorted and turned back to Yukine. "Well, the psycho bitch is more trustworthy than Nora, at least. I mean, not always by much, but…"

"I'm really sorry," Yukine moaned again. He buried his face in his hands, and the tears leaked from between his fingers.

Arms closed around him and pulled him close, and he was clutching at Yato almost before realizing that the borderlines had dropped and only lingering echoes of pain shivered along his skin. It was over.

"All better," Yato said gently, stroking the shinki's hair with one hand and holding him tightly with the other. "Relax, kid. And for the love of all things holy, stop apologizing. You're starting to sound like a broken record and it's giving me a headache."

Yukine choked out a watery laugh and closed his eyes. The world had judged his sins and deemed him forgiven, but it was Yato's forgiveness he needed most and he knew he had that. He also knew that continuing to dwell on his guilt would hurt them both and risk another blighting episode, so he relaxed into his god's embrace as he pulled in a deep breath and let Yato's forgiveness and affection seep into his lungs and spread through his body and set his mind and heart at ease.

It felt good to come home after floundering around in the darkness for so long.

And then cold water rained down on him like a flood, and he jerked back with a gasp.

"What the hell?" Yato demanded, holding his arms out away from his sides awkwardly as water soaked through his jersey and dripped down to puddle at his feet. He looked a bit like a bedraggled cat, with water matting down his dark hair and sliding down his face like tears.

Bishamon just smiled pleasantly and put down the bucket. "Purified water. Better to make certain all the blight is cleansed, right?"

"Crazy bitch, you–!"

Yukine rolled his eyes and tuned out the bickering. He pulled his shirt back on, wincing as it stuck to his wet skin.

Hiyori rushed over to hug him tightly, which he tolerated even though he felt hugged-out after the past few days. "I'm glad you're alright! I didn't realize you were so… You know, if you don't feel like you can talk to Yato about something, you can always come to me, okay? You don't have to figure everything out by yourself."

"I know," he mumbled, feeling a new rush of affection for her. "Thanks for giving me advice and stuff. You were right that I should just tell him."

She stepped back and smiled. "Any time. I'm just glad things worked out."

"Yukkiii!" Kofuku bounced over with Daikoku trailing behind. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Yukine said with a wan smile.

"I don't know how we didn't realize so much drama was playing out under our own roof," Daikoku grumbled. He hesitated, his lips pulling into a frown. "Just…try being a little more careful, yeah? It sounds like things got pretty bad for a while there."

Yukine swallowed. "Yeah."

"I have to say," Bishamon interrupted, looking over from where she and Yato were halfway to strangling each other, "this _has_ to be the sappiest ablution I've ever seen."

"Shhh," Yato said with an exaggerated shushing sound and a wicked grin. "My kid's a teenager. He doesn't believe in sappy emotions. Don't scare him off."

Bishamon actually choked back a laugh, and Yukine felt his cheeks heating again as everyone started laughing or grinning or exchanging knowing looks.

"Shut up," he muttered.

Yato arched an eyebrow. "And what did we learn from this experience?"

"…Don't listen to Nora."

"You already knew that."

Yukine considered it. "Talk to you when something's wrong?"

"Smart kid. Although you already knew that too."

Yukine scowled. "That's rich, coming from you. Next time, you'd better tell me when I'm blighting you instead of hiding it for weeks."

"Fair enough." Yato smirked. "But to be fair, you should have noticed if you weren't so caught up in all your teenage angst."

"Whatever."

"Maybe you should think less about a 'next time' and instead try not to do it again, hmmm? This is the second time you've gone rogue on me." Yato grinned as he added, "Maybe the third time's the charm."

"Sh-shut up!" Yukine wailed.

He was spared from any more of Yato's teasing when Kofuku and Hiyori began fussing over the god. They had already checked up on Yukine, and apparently Yato was next up on the list.

"Guess we might as well get you home," Daikoku said from the sidelines. He crossed his arms over his chest. "And get you something to eat. You've been refusing to eat your meals for days."

Yato stuck out his tongue in a truly childish gesture. "Shouldn't you be happy? You're the one who always complains about having to feed me."

Daikoku's eye twitched. "Because you're a lazy freeloader. But it would look bad if anyone starved in our house."

"We're actually preparing a meal now," Bishamon offered. "You could all stay, if you want."

"With _you_?" Yato asked, scrunching his face up. "No thanks. I'd rather go home and sleep for a week. I'm exhausted."

"Yay, sounds fun!" Kofuku cheered. She grabbed Yato's arm and began dragging him off towards the door despite his protests. "Let's go, Yato-chan!"

Bishamon sighed and shook her head. "Why do I even bother?" she muttered to herself as she headed after them.

Yukine was going to follow Hiyori and Daikoku as they took off after everyone else, but paused when Aiha stepped up beside him. She tilted her head and studied him intently, and he shifted uncomfortably under the intensity of her gaze.

"We're really lucky, when you think about it," she said. "Not all gods are as forgiving as ours. Yato must care about you a lot to keep fighting for you even when you start going astray and then welcome you back after. Maybe remember that when you're frustrated or start having doubts about him or are just having a hard time." She sighed and one corner of her mouth twitched upward into a tired half-smile. "That's what I do when I feel myself slipping. I remember how forgiving Bishamon was when I blighted her, even though it nearly killed us all, and it reminds me that she really does care about me as much as I care about her."

"Y-yeah…" Yukine wondered how hard things had been for her after nearly stinging Bishamon to death. It wasn't a good feeling, and he wasn't proud to have done it twice now. "I just feel really bad, I guess."

"That's not good for your god. It's better not to dwell too much on guilt and regret. If you're feeling bad… Maybe think about this: if your god forgave you for everything, who are you to say that you can't forgive yourself?"

He blinked at her for a second and then cracked a smile. "I guess you have a point. Thanks for helping with the ablution."

Aiha nodded. "People like Kazuma don't really understand." She glanced back over her shoulder, and Yukine followed her gaze to see Kazuma talking to a small group of Bishamon's shinki several yards away. "He's amazing to have such faith and devotion that he can justify anything and won't sting Bishamon no matter what he does. He's a really strong person, but that makes it more difficult for him to understand how hard it can be for the rest of us sometimes. Sometimes it's easy to start slipping. That doesn't mean we care less or anything, just that we need to be a little more careful. Anyway, there's something to having fallen and been so completely forgiven and welcomed back. It sort of changes your perspective, don't you think?"

It did. It had changed Yukine's whole world and turned it on its head the first time. It had shown him there was a better way to live and that there were people who cared about him even when he was dead and it felt like he was alone.

This time had been really hard too, but he understood what Aiha was saying. There was something liberating about having pushed the boundaries to the breaking point and realizing that he would still be loved anyway. He already knew that if Nora or anyone tried planting doubts in his head again, they would never grow now. How could they?

"Yeah," he said. "I understand."

Aiha flashed him a smile and hurried off after the others. Yukine watched her go, a little surprised by the new sense of camaraderie.

Then there was a loud crash from the mansion and a large cloud of plaster dust rose into the air as part of the façade cracked.

"Who let the binbougami in here?" someone wailed.

Yukine sighed but had to smile. It looked like Kofuku was up to her usual tricks.

He jumped in surprise when Kazuma suddenly appeared next to him. They stared at each other and Yukine bit his lip, wondering if he should expect a lecture. Kazuma was usually unfailingly polite, but Aiha wasn't wrong that he had a hard time understanding things like this.

But then Kazuma smiled a little resignedly. "Go get him," he said.

Yukine hesitated, but then smiled and nodded. He took off running across the lawn and through the door, slipping past Hiyori and Daikoku to slide in by Yato's side.

Yato looked down and grinned. "Heeey, wait until you hear what Kofuku just did!"

He draped an arm over Yukine's shoulders as he babbled excitedly. For once, only because of all the drama, Yukine stayed still and didn't shake the god off. He had never realized, maybe because he was always shoving the affection away, how well they fit together like that, with him tucked against Yato's side like he belonged there.

* * *

 **Note: On a random side note, Yato's ability to switch from being really serious to totally random and teasing at the drop of a hat is both one of his most endearing and frustrating qualities XD And poor Yukine tries so hard. And Bishamon and Kofuku crack me up. And, on another random side note, I find the idea of Yukine and Aiha bonding a little bit over sharing membership in the "I totally almost blighted my master to death but turned over a new leaf" club strangely appealing, for whatever reason. Although I find Kazuma's ability to justify even pretty bad actions as being "good" for Bishamon's sake to be a little more morally problematic than Aiha does XD**

 **The story was going to end here in my original plans, but then I wrote a short epilogue. Because I'm a sucker for cute little epilogues, and these two are precious XD**


	7. Epilogue

**runner: I find some of the other shinki pretty interesting, it's just that I'm most interested in Yato and Yukine's interactions, so I tend to focus on them more. But it can be fun to explore those other relationships a little bit from time to time too, and it would be nice if people did more of it. I might do it myself if I didn't have so many projects going on XD**

 **Aofery: Yeah, sorry, I'm afraid I have to take responsibility for "Ricochet" too :3 I've been spamming the fandom with random crap for a couple months now lol Thanks, ha ha.**

* * *

 **Epilogue**

* * *

"Hey, Hiyori?" Yukine asked, tapping the end of his pencil absently against the table.

Hiyori broke off in the middle of her sentence—part of their math lesson, which Yukine suddenly realized he had been totally zoning out for—and tilted her head. "Yes?"

He chewed on his lip and glanced around their bedroom even though he knew Yato was out running errands. Or getting into trouble. One or the other. The god had slept for nearly eighteen hours straight after the ablution and had a bit of a wonky sleep schedule for a few days, but he had bounced back quickly and was back to his normal trouble-making self already. Two weeks later, and it was like it had never happened at all.

"You know how I was asking you about your dad before?" Yukine asked.

"Huh? Oh yeah, about how I knew that he loved me."

"Uh… Yeah. I was wondering…"

Hiyori set the book down on the table and gave him her full attention, math forgotten. "What is it?"

"Well…" Yukine frowned down at the pencil he was twisting in his hands. "How do you make sure that he knows you love him too?"

Hiyori eyed him in surprise and then smiled. "Well, I tell him so. Sometimes it's nice to hear the words, you know? But I also go to him with problems and follow his advice. I tell him about what's going on in my life and make sure to spend time with him too. I do what he asks me to without complaining too much and laugh at his jokes even when they aren't funny. I pay attention to how he's feeling and do nice things for him when he isn't feeling well or seems upset. Just little things like that."

"Oh…" He turned that over in his head. "I see."

"Don't worry so much. Yato already knows."

Yukine started in surprise and whipped his head up. "What do you…?" He trailed off as Hiyori's smile widened and her eyes took on a knowing gleam. His face felt like it was on fire and he dropped his gaze back to his page of math problems. Math problems were much easier to solve than life problems. "Do you think so?"

"Of course! Now, where were we…?"

Yukine mulled over her words for the next few days. Hiyori's advice was good and he trusted her, but… He also sometimes felt like he should be doing something to make up for everything he had put Yato through.

It had felt like everything had been turned on its head, but things had settled back to normal almost immediately and it seemed like very little had changed after all. The biggest change was that occasionally he would deliver a minor sting when he said something particularly rude, but Yato had taken to scolding him gently for it—ironically enough, for feeling guilty about it rather than for insulting him. It wasn't anything major enough to produce another blight, and Yukine was slowly losing some of those guilt reactions again. Everything else was pretty much the same as before, despite how far things had deteriorated before being patched up.

On the one hand, that was a good thing. On the other, it felt a little…anticlimactic. It had felt pretty momentous at the time, like they had totally crashed and burned and then pulled together tighter than ever. He was glad that their relationship hadn't changed too much, especially since he had been so afraid of what his stupid actions might do, but he still thought about how close it had come to falling apart sometimes. Not all the time, not too deeply, because he didn't want to bother Yato with his unsettled emotions, but sometimes.

It was worse when he started wondering about what actually _was_ going on under the surface, if things were as okay as they seemed. He was more secure and grounded in the relationship than ever—although, to be fair, he had gone through a couple weeks of hell to get to that point—but he wasn't entirely sure about Yato. He wanted to think that their talk had set the god's doubts to rest as much as it had Yukine's, but it was always hard to tell with him. The problem was that Yukine _knew_ he had hurt Yato a lot, and he couldn't hide behind the excuse that he had been hurt too and only taken it out on his god, true or not.

And worse, he _knew_ Yato could hide it very well if he was still hurt. It was the same way that Yato had hidden the blight for weeks and downplayed it once it had been discovered, the way he had stood firm and steady to be Yukine's rock through the ablution even though he must have been in more than enough pain to curl up on the ground and wait for the shinki to figure it out himself. That was the way he was. The fact that he had been so visibly upset by Yukine's actions later on only went to show that he had been _extremely_ hurt, and even then Yukine was sure he hadn't seen the half of what Yato was feeling. The masks he wore were often his armor, and cracking them took a lot.

If he was still hurt, he would have quietly slipped that pain beneath a smile like he always did and blithely continued on as if nothing had changed, with Yukine none the wiser. Even if he understood the reasons behind Yukine acting out and knew it wasn't his fault, hearing all the shinki's doubts could have cut deep. Yukine didn't want Yato feeling insecure the way he had.

Maybe things really were alright now and Yato had just bounced back like a stretched rubber band snapping back _before_ hitting its breaking point, but either way… Yukine had accepted Yato's forgiveness, but he still felt like maybe he should be doing or changing something to make up for everything.

And…maybe not only as a sort of apology, but also as a thank-you. Because the only thing that quite managed to outweigh Yukine's guilt was his gratitude. Yukine knew now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he had a home and family in Yato, someone who would care about him no matter what and love him unconditionally. He just wanted to know that Yato knew he had that in Yukine too.

He was still pondering these thoughts a few days later when Yato came bounding inside with a grin.

"Yukineee! Want to do some ayakashi hunting? There's a big storm brewing over in the east district."

Yukine had just finished helping Daikoku in the shop and would much rather flop over and take a break, but he just nodded. "Okay."

"Wonderful." Yato grabbed all the shinki's winter clothes out of the closet and hauled them out again, eliciting a sigh.

"Really?" Yukine complained as the god started stuffing him into his coat again. "I'm not five."

"Well, you have this bad habit of running around in the cold without a jacket and then complaining about being cold and shoving your freezing hands all over me."

Yato bundled Yukine up in his coat and scarf and hat and handed him those dumb gloves with a hint of a grin. Yukine sighed but pulled them on.

He wondered if this was one of the things Yato had picked up from watching human families, one of the things he had adopted to try changing himself into a more 'normal' father. He wondered if Yato realized this was something parents did to little kids and not teenagers. But he only offered a few token protests to maintain his reputation, because the truth was that he didn't mind so much.

Yato was crackling with energy as he dragged Yukine out into the cold and chatted gaily as he headed for the storm gathering several streets over like angry swirls of black mist winding through the air. Yukine followed along quietly until they were almost on top of it, working up his nerve.

"Yato?"

"Yeah?" Yato abandoned some ridiculous scheming about how to best harass Bishamon. Yukine ducked his head lower to hide the heat creeping across his face and mumbled into his scarf. "What was that? Oh no, don't tell me you're going through one of those mumble-y phases? I've heard that can be a teenager thing too."

Yukine took a deep breath and tried again. "I _said_ ," he said a little louder, "I love you."

He glared at the sidewalk like it had personally offended him. It took a few seconds to realize that Yato was no longer beside him, and he turned to see that the god had stopped in his tracks several paces back and was staring at him with wide, startled eyes. Yukine buried his face further in his scarf and hunched his shoulders.

Yato stared at him silently for a few seconds longer before slowly shaking his head. "You know… I think that's the first time anyone has said that to me and really meant it." His gaze slid away, distant and misty, and his lips slanted into a faint frown. Yukine felt a pang of sympathy. That seemed sad, to live for hundreds of years and never feel like anyone loved you. But then Yato looked back again and a crooked little half-smile lit his face. "I love you too." He walked over with a new spring in his step and grinned as he pinched Yukine's cheeks. "Aw, you're growing out of your prickly phase and getting all soft and squishy! What a cutie!"

Yukine slapped his hands away. "Don't get used to it."

He was pretty sure that he just felt too hot out of embarrassment, but maybe some of the warmth in his chest came from something else. He knew they would be okay.

"Uh-oh, don't look now, but I think we've found the storm!" Yato grinned and pointed at something behind Yukine. The shinki turned and nearly jumped out of his skin as he came face to face with a large, fish-like ayakashi bearing down on him. Yato didn't even hesitate. He ran past and leaped at the phantom, throwing his hands out as if beckoning. "Sekki!"

Yukine answered the call, jumping to Yato's hands just in time to slice through the charging ayakashi. And they fell seamlessly back into their old rhythm of trust and teamwork, dancing with blades like two halves of one perfect whole.

* * *

 **Note: D'awww, they're too precious lol**

 **Someone just give Yato a hug and say they love him already D: Poor guy needs to hear it lol**

 **But yay, they're one little happy family again now :3 So maybe they both had a rough couple weeks, but it worked out in the end. It's more satisfying to see them all happy and snuggly if they went through hell first :D (I swear I'm not a sadist :X) And let's all give Yukine a round of applause for briefly indulging in sappy emotions instead of running off screaming like the prickly teenager he often is XD**

 **runner: He's both :P He tends to be more prickly with Yato and sweeter with other people, which is what makes it so cute when he's overtly sweet to Yato since he often buries it under snark. I know it's tempting to whitewash our favorite characters and make them a little too perfect, but that cheapens them and wrecks the depth of their personalities. Yukine is such an interesting character _because_ he can be both. **


End file.
